Dwelling in Loneliness

Greetings, Loved Ones.

I wanted to lend you all some real insight as to what my life has looked like this past month. This post will cover the topic of loneliness.

While marriage is wonderful and my husband is my very best friend, any married person would probably agree that your spouse cannot (and should not) satiate all your need for human relationship.

This wouldn't be much of an issue except that I am in the unique situation of having physically left all my deep, life-giving relationships on the other side of planet Earth. Due to this, this past month has been exceptionally difficult for my heart and spirit. I am torn between the bountiful excitement of my new marriage and the heart-wrenching sorrows of feeling deeply alone in my new life. I had become acquainted with loneliness over the last two years due to my multiple surgeries and weeks spent alone in hospitals and quarantine rooms; now, I must say: it seems as though I carry loneliness around on my shoulders every day.

The reason I write this is not to throw myself a pity party (though, it has been hard, and I would appreciate prayers!). Rather, I want to share with you something that the Lord has shared with me this last week...

It is of utmost importance to dwell in loneliness at the feet of the Lord.

Loneliness has a unique way of bringing us to the very ends of our little ropes of self-sufficiency. For instance, I like to fancy myself a pretty independent person. Right now, newly married in a new culture, surrounded by brand new people, I feel, for the first time, incapable of adjusting. There is simply too much to adjust to. Suddenly, my self-sufficiency rope comes to an end, I slide off the end of it, and I land hard with my butt on the gravel wondering how I devolved into such a horrid state of friendless-ness and frustration. I know that sounds a bit melodramatic, but bear with me. Suddenly my independence is gone and I am left with my husband and Jesus.

Those last two words are the most important in this post: and Jesus. My current state in life demands that, when despair and longing and bitterness creep into my heart, I say back to them: "You are not welcome here, for I know that my God will never leave me nor forsake me. He is close to the broken-hearted and He saves those who are crushed in spirit." I often find myself singing the comforting song: Almighty, Infinite Father. Faithfully loving Your own. Here in our weakness You find us--falling before your throne." I find it helps me when the endless supply of chocolate bars I've stored up doesn't.

I received a card from my grandmother yesterday that said: "God never wastes a trial." How true those words are! My heart hurts with homesickness and longs for normalcy, but I can feel the Lord refining me. I can feel Him teaching me to let the things of this world--things like popularity and the comfort of familiarity--grow dim. There are some lessons that simply cannot be taught when everything is right in life. The Lord never wastes a trial; He works through them, using them like fire to make us malleable. The fire is painful and uncomfortable--it often seems like I cry more often these days than I ever have before--but we must experience it in order to be molded into vessels of Jesus Christ.

If I can quote my father, officiating at my wedding: "I pray that the Lord would bring trials your way." I want to second that prayer and ask Jesus to please-- bring me hardship. Keep me in this place of alienation and loneliness for as long as it takes to cause me to fully rely upon Your company. Place me over the fire in order to make me malleable. I will consider it pure joy, even through the tears, because I know that it produces perseverance, making me mature and complete, not lacking anything.

That's all for now-- thank you for journeying with me in this time.

Much love,

Anna Click Here to Read More..

First Thoughts On Marriage and Other News!

Greetings, Loved Ones!

Well! Here we are again, me in Australia, you in the States (most of you, anyway--apparently I have some readers from Russia!).

Thank you for bearing with my not posting for a while. We have been scrambling to find our feet here in the "Land Down Under"!

Now that we have become a bit more stable, I'd like to give you a quick update. First, I have just recently passed the "Married for One Month" mark, and I have thought up a few observations that I'd like to share with you:

1. Everyone steals covers at night, and that's not bad. You just have to be the stronger one.

2. People are less likely to tell you that you're bad with people if you're married.

3. Your spouse will still tell you that you're bad with people. (Throwback to last night when I walked into a room of men and practically shouted "Goodness, it reeks of sunscreen and B.O. in here," warranting a very kind "sometimes you say things a bit too loud." from Aaron.)

4. It is SO handy to have someone to steal you free food when you're not around to get it for yourself.

5. Every "parent in law" relationship is unique and multifaceted and requires understanding prior to judgement.

6. Single people become much more hesitant to befriend you once you get married, presumably on the grounds that "you already have a permanent friend."

7. Not everything needs to be talked about. Some things need to be overlooked.

8. If you have an introverted husband, don't tease him, even lightheartedly. They take it seriously. (I suppose I should've learnt this already from watching my parents interact at the dinner table--shout out to mom and dad!) : )

Alright! Now that I've gotten those nuggets of wisdom off my chest, I'll let you know "the haps"!

Aaron and I have settled into Australia fairly well and we have news! We have decided that we will not stay at YWAM beyond our short term commitment. YWAM has been a wonderful place for us in so many ways, and it will be difficult to say goodbye to this campus and this ministry for the foreseeable future as it has a significant place in both of our lives. We are not exactly sure where the Lord is leading us just yet. We will, of course, continue ministering to our communities and those beyond, it just appears it will not be in this context for much longer. We will let you know more soon!

Health-wise, we are also doing well, though my teeth are still not in good order. I have become used to only using one side of my mouth to chew; I know this is not good, but I am still working through how to access the healthcare system here, etc. Please pray that I would find a Christian dentist and perhaps be able to determine the root (no pun intended!) of the problem quickly and at minimal expense.

As to our emotional well-being, we (and, in particular, I) are remarkably well adjusted after such a whirlwind of change. From getting married, to leaving my family on the other side of the world, to showing up in a country where I have no friends and no citizenship, I have to give myself a pat on the back for adapting so quickly. One thing, though, I will never accept: they make you pay for ketchup packets here. I don't mean bottles, I mean PACKETS-- 50c to $1 per packet!!! PER PACKET! As in, go to a fast food chain, pick up some chips (fries!) for $7, and then pay an additional wallet-full for the necessity of ketchup. As my mother has often said in my support: ketchup is a universal right.

I will tie off this post with an update on how we are doing spiritually: we are well. In the midst of such change and wonder, the Lord has continued to lead us with His steady hand of guidance. A couple of days ago as Aaron was praying over our meal, he said: "Thank you, Father, for the ability to work hard and for Your pleasure." What a gift to be able to work hard for the Lord alongside my best friend.

Well, that is all for today! Thank you so much for your prayers and your friendship. We cherish them.

Much Love,

The Fischers Click Here to Read More..