"How Badly Will It Hurt?" A Medical Update.

"I don't see how any degree of faith can exclude the dismay, since Christ's faith did not save Him from dismay in Gethsemane. We are not necessarily doubting that God will do the best for us: we are wondering how painful the best will turn out to be." - C. S. Lewis

That quote is an excerpt from a letter written by Lewis to his friend Rev. Peter Bide. Bide's wife had been diagnosed with cancer, just as Lewis' own wife, Joy, had been two years earlier. Bide had laid hands on Joy and prayed for miraculous healing years prior; the cancer took Joy's life several years later. Now it was Lewis' turn to pray for Bide's wife and, instead of writing about the certainty of miraculous healing, he takes the time to clarify that miraculous healing is not, in fact, always the best that God has for us.

As I'm sure you've guessed by this point, it's all bad news concerning my spine. My thoracolumbar scoliosis has worsened significantly and will most likely continue to do so. I have a rotated lumbar vertebra that is accentuating the already present pain in my lower back. There is nothing to be done about any of it and even major surgery likely wouldn't help the pain. I wasn't expecting this news and to be told even the most drastic, "Hail Mary" option wouldn't even ensure relief was a heavy blow. I was told pregnancy would be an extremely high risk scenario for my own body and, in the words of my doctor, "would likely blow your back into literal pieces." Now, that is of course debatable and even so, we will cross that bridge when we have to come to it. In the end, I was offered more opiates and referred to a high ranking physiotherapist -- but after being referred was told that any real help from his practice is unlikely. So, I'm hurting deeply. Literally and figuratively. To be told in what is supposed to be your "prime" of life that the pain will only get worse from here and that there is absolutely nothing to do about it... wow. It's hard. No cure, no hope, no relief, no way out.

But then... Jesus. I don't doubt that this is the Lord's best for me - I am only wondering how badly His best will hurt. Dreading, even, in the same way that Jesus Himself grieved at Gethsemane the suffering He knew was to come. I am so touched by those who pray for healing over my back but at this moment, I am not one of those who Jesus miraculously heals. I am one, like Joy Lewis, who the Lord has specifically chosen not to heal: and that's alright. If this is Christ's best for me, then I will rejoice and be glad in it! I wonder and dread how painful it is and will continue to be but, in the end, I want what Jesus wants. Miraculous healing would be lovely and a blessing beyond comprehension, but why would I jump to throw off the suffering that Jesus has decided to place in my life? He is the Counselor, the Advocate, my Friend who is closer than a brother. If He has decided that this life of pain is better for me than a life with healing, who am I to question? If it makes me more like Him - which it will - then Lord, give it to me. Jesus gave Paul a thorn in his side and if he could bear it (without any miraculous relief) and still march on towards the glory of heaven, so can I.

It is SO hard, of course. It will never not be hard; otherwise, what's the point? But in sharing this sad news with you all I also want you to know that I am at peace with it all - or at least, I'm getting there. As the old hymn goes, "When peace like a river attendeth my way, when sorrows like sea billows roll, whatever my lot, Thou has taught me to say: 'It is well, it is well with my soul.'" That hymn was written by a man who had just learnt that his entire family had died. There is a theme here: Jesus does not always deliver us from suffering. He causes it to happen: and to Him be the glory that results.

Thank you all for your prayers and for suffering with me through this hard news - it means so much to not suffer alone. Much love and the peace of Jesus be with each of you!

Anna and Aaron Click Here to Read More..

Having an Unseen Disability

Greetings, Loved Ones!

I threw my back out on the day after my last post. I'm in pain and have been generally unable to walk for about the past two weeks. I am writing this article from the floor of our apartment where I've had some time to develop my thinking on having an unseen disability. I wanted to share it with someone before I drive myself nuts, so here goes...

As some of you know, I have pretty severe scoliosis. My spine is malformed to the shape of an "S", containing two abnormal, 3D curves that offset the rest of my body. My left leg is longer than my right, my right shoulder is set higher than my left, my rib cage bulges visibly on one side and my hips aren't even; all this gives my body an overall thrawn and off-kilter feel. Now, keep in mind that up to 90% of diagnosed cases of scoliosis are minor enough to avoid both bracing and surgery; unfortunately, I represent part of the other 10%. For this 10%, I dare say, scoliosis can be quite the affliction. (If you'd like to read more on scoliosis, this is a great article (if clicking doesn't work - go to www.scoliosis-australia.org/scoliosis/about_scoliosis.html).

As a matter of fact, I'm going in for X-rays this weekend to have my scoliosis re-evaluated due to how horrible these last two weeks have been. If you wouldn't mind praying for me, I would be so grateful - the doctors will decide whether spinal fusion surgery should be performed. It's a high risk/high reward surgery and I'm hoping it won't be dubbed as the only option for my particular case, especially considering everything that ensued after my last, much more minor surgery here in Australia. So, if you think to, please pray for me.

So now that you know where I'm coming from, here's what I want to say...

My disability is relatively unseen; no one looks at me and thinks "oh - she's disabled, she needs help." In some ways I'm thankful for that because it means I don't have to endure the painful side of attention people with more visible disabilities are stuck with. The down side is that, in truth, I do need help. I have severe chronic pain at the best of times and at the worst (like in these past 6 days), I end up having to lay flat on the floor for up to two weeks. People often say to me "oh yeah, I have a bad back too - I totally feel ya." Now, I love when people try to relate to me as much as the next gal, but someone with the classic "bad back" telling me they know exactly where I'm at seems to me a bit like a person with a broken toe ranking themselves on the same level as a person with a broken femur. Maybe they both can't walk quite right, but the toe guy still doesn't fully "get it."

In the past weeks, I've had several conversations that have exasperated me for precisely that reason. Typically they go something like "Hey, want to go shopping with me tomorrow?" "Actually, my back is out and I'm in a lot of pain. I won't be able to make it." "Oh... Want to go in two days, then? Surely it's not THAT bad." I view conversations like this as the epitome of the blatant disconnectedness between seeing me as someone with a disability and seeing me as someone who just needs a pep talk. And I've wondered if this would be helped by actually wearing my brace again. When I was walking around in a moon boot for my broken leg, everyone was understanding to the point of me having to convince them that "no, really, it's okay, I can walk to the other side of the street on my own" and "that's okay, I'll be fine to stand for ten minutes, but thanks!" Now, granted, that level of incessant consideration can become exasperating, but it still beats the pep talk approach by a long shot.

So all that to say, when we come across disabilities and especially those that are unseen, perhaps we should alter our standard social interaction template and try something like this instead:

1. Let the disabled person decide how disabled they are or aren't -that's not our territory to encroach upon.
2. Seek to understand their experience rather than to relate with your own.
3. Accept the uncomfortable feelings that often come with talking to a person with a permanent physical problem.
4. Resist, at all costs, trying to solve the problem with a pep talk.
5. If you're at a loss for words, try something like: Wow - that must be so difficult. I'd love to understand better if you'd be willing to share more.

That's all I have for now -- or at least, that's all that's safe to permanently immortalise on the internet. Thank you to all of you who have supported me in my wavering health and who continue to do so. You are all so encouraging to me! I will keep you posted after I know what our next steps are.

God bless you all.

Much love,

Anna Click Here to Read More..

Finally at Home

Greetings, Loved Ones!

Well, here we are again: me, sitting in the seat of "I've taken too long to update my blog"; you, sitting in the seat of "yes, you have."

The problem is that I find blogs so dreadfully impersonal. I can articulate whatever nonsense I'm convicted about at the moment and you have to listen. The truth is that I am just so much better at communicating one-on-one through emails and letters. Regardless, I can't write one thousand and some personalized emails however much I would like to and I am against mass emailing, so here we are.

I thought I would open up the windows of our life and give an update to let everyone have a peek inside!

So. We bought a car and it has manual transmission which means I am learning how do drive in the right of the car on the left of the street with my left hand and both feet. How's that for a task! Luckily for me, Australia takes Americans at their word for knowing how to drive and thus I have already procured an open driver's license for myself. Might I add: it takes Australians about three years of training to get an open license and I, with proof of my US license, got it immediately. It took me only six months to get my US license -- all this goes to say, for better or worse, I got to skip out on about 2.5 years of training.

In other news, in the past months I've had some more medical woes and 6 weeks ago I was diagnosed with Poly Cystic Ovarian Syndrome (without the testosterone imbalance) and a severe iron deficiency. I wish I could have told more of you about it while it was happening but the truth is the possibility of being pregnant had me a bit "non compos mentis," if you get my meaning. Anyway, I'm on medication for the iron deficiency - all who are keen to tell me to start eating meat again, feel no need as it wouldn't help my particular case - and I'm at peace about my cyst filled insides. So, that's where we stand now! For those few who knew before, thank you for your support. For all who know now, thank you for your support! I will say this: it has been very hard on me to feel as though I'm degenerating already and at an alarming rate. So, thank you for your prayers.

As it's mid-Winter here, every day is warm and balmy; 75F is the average temperature. I try to spend at least three to four hours daily enjoying the outdoors whether it's for exercise, exploring, time with myself or with Jesus, or otherwise. I love every moment of it. I've spotted sea turtles, I've seen many a giant manta ray leap from the sea as if trying to fly, I've pet many a puppy on the boardwalk. I'm meeting new people all the time and though my preferred milieu doesn't normally align with that of the Antipodean bourgeoisie, I can normally find at least some common ground with everyone. Most times, that common ground is laughing at my wan and out of place complexion that I've somehow managed to maintain even living in North Queensland -- but it's common ground nonetheless and I'm happy to laugh at myself. Plus, like my grandmother always says, I'll be happy when we're 70 and everyone else looks like bacon. Ha!

Just yesterday I met two more of the lifeguards who fearlessly and selflessly patrol the beaches here in town. Their names were Scott and Jeremy, I think, though Jeremy slurred his name a bit and I'm not sure I got it right. Moving on. They told me about how they had to sting themselves with Box Jellies in their lifeguard training, much for the same reasons that police officers in training get tasered. They need to know how it feels and "what a real bugger of a sting looks like." I was in awe at that and said that, as far as lifeguarding around the world went, Australian guards seemed to me to be in a league of their own.

Lastly, I want to tell you all of a particular blessing I have encountered in my time here! Her name is Celia K. When we first moved here last August, I began to feel a decided lack of quality relationships and a decided surplus of vapidity in those I did have. As some of you will remember, I was lonely and sad and altogether unenthused over the prospect of living my life in a country where deep, non-casual, stimulating relationships were not the norm and indeed were seen as awkward (as were those who sought them out) more often than treasured. Ceal, I am delighted to tell you, has completely revolutionized my initial impression of Australians and their preferred method of casually keeping everyone at arm's length. She is hilarious, kind, warmhearted, exceptionally mature, relatable and everything I could ever ask for in a friend. And more importantly than all those other attributes, she laughs at my jokes. At the severe risk of sounding clingy and desperate, I offer this analogy: I felt quite a bit like a diver who had been stuck below the surface for too long and was just offered a delightfully fresh breath of air from an oxygen tank. Seriously, this girl is the friend that I was praying for. Thank you for those of you who have been praying that I would make a strong and quality friendship down here - it has helped SO much in my endeavor to ground myself here. Finding a close friend and kindred spirit has shot me forward in my venture to send my roots into the ground in this country and, I must tell you: I've finally started to feel at home.

Thank you for caring about me and, as always, please email me here if you'd like to chat! God bless and thank you for your support.

Much love, Anna (and Aaron!) Click Here to Read More..

Exciting News!

Greetings, Loved Ones!

We are especially grateful to the Lord this week because Aaron and I just bit the bullet and sent $7,000 away to the Australian government. Why, you might ask? Because! This woman right here wants to become an Australian citizen! Don't worry, my American compadres: I plan to attain dual citizenship -- not to give up my right to American soil! First things first, though: I need to become an official permanent Australian resident. The only way to do that is to play my "I married an Australian" card and apply for a Spousal Visa! So, now that we've officially sent in (and paid for) my 38 page application, we can start waiting. In four months, my "bridging visa" will come into effect, meaning that I can legally study and work in Australia. Somewhere between then and 20 months from then, I should (Lord willing!) be granted a temporary spousal visa, essentially giving me the oxymoronic "temporary permanent resident" status. That will stand until the Immigration Department makes a final decision on my visa grant. Finally, at some point after that, our hope is that I will be granted the permanent and luxurious version of the Spousal Visa, bringing along with it Permanent Australian Residential Status. More or less, this makes me a citizen in all but name. All in all, this process takes about 2 years start to finish. I will have travel limitations placed on me and my sweet little passport from now until I get the temporary spousal visa. Unfortunately, this means my visiting the States in the next year is unlikely. We would greatly appreciate prayers and encouragement in this time of agonizing waiting! Patience has never been my strong suit, as most of you know!

In other news, Aaron and I are both doing splendidly. He has been struggling with a bug of some sort these past few days which has been a pain (literally and figuratively), but other than that, we are plugging along, making progress in life as best we can. Aaron just got the last needed component in order to fix his computer tower that he built from scratch many years ago. Thanks to my bother-in-law Ashley, he's been able to start doing things again that he hasn't been able to do since his phone and laptop broke in 2016. Plus -- and this is the really exciting part -- he found a game online called Lego Marvel Superheroes that we can play together. It's my new favorite thing. I play as Iron Man and fly above all the little rooftops, occasionally falling off cliffs and into waterfalls. While we don't have a monitor just yet, we do have a monstrous TV... so if you were to walk into our living room there's a chance you would find on our TV screen Lego Hulk and Lego Iron man running around a digital New York City, smashing mailboxes and pizza trucks by accident. It's a great game.

Last week, I was able to take a miniature vacation with my friend and former maid of honor Katrina. We took a ferry over to a nearby island and rented a private bungalow for a couple of nights. I had a coupon -- as I do for most things on earth -- so it was low cost and high entertainment. We went for walks, had delicious meals at nearby cafes, pubs, and taverns, read in hammocks and went kayaking over open ocean. That was a bit nerve wracking seeing as how it's jellyfish season and Australia is home to the single most poisonous creature on earth: the Box Jellyfish. Apparently there exists no pain like being stung by one; it's also nearly invisible in the wild. Flipping our kayak was on the very bottom of our bucket list that day.

That's all for now, I gotta run! The grocery store is calling. Fun fact: there is a bird nesting on top of one of our aircon window units. It's little talons scratching on the metal are making me smile! Much love to you all. Please contact me by clicking here for my email address.

God bless,

Anna and Aaron Click Here to Read More..

Post Cyclone Update

Greetings, Loved Ones!

It is time for an update.

Aaron and I are doing well. I broke my toe a few weeks ago, but on the bright side, that should fill my quota for bodily injury for the next few months at least. It could have been worse: I could have fallen out of a tree! So, I am gruntled.

The days are cooling as Autumn takes the role of our presiding season. We've moved into mid-to-high 80's as opposed to low 100's! I wore jeans yesterday for the first time in months.

Cyclone Debbie is old news for us but a bit further south they are still experiencing the aftermath. For instance: a fully grown bull shark was just found on a sidewalk in a town just a few hours from us. That being said, a shark of colossal proportions just turned up in our swimming area last week. But that had nothing to do with flooding -- I'm afraid that's just the nature of every day life around here. Anyway, thank you for your prayers! Your faithful love and support have encouraged and spurred us on through so much, and this cyclone was no exception.

In other news, I would like to elaborate on the upcoming plans I mentioned in my previous post. Aaron is planning on re-enlisting into the Royal Australian Air Force, or the "RAAF." He has begun the process already, and while it is a long road ahead, we are traveling down it steadily. We aren't sure how long it will take and there is still a galling amount of hoops to jump through, but Lord willing, he will be re-enlisted soon. In the mean time, he has a great job nearby that provides solid physical and mental preparation for the military.

He and I are doing so well. In summation, our lives are starting to look more ordinary than usual -- as oxymoronic as that sounds. No more weeks spent in hospital beds, no more sudden, cross-continental trips fueled by the power of love. I have a sneaking suspicion that our lives may take a turn for the outlandish in the near future, but I could be wrong. With histories such as ours, getting comfortable with the ordinary is typically improvident.

Lastly, I wanted to share a little piece of happiness from my week. I've been in the habit of walking to the beach in the mornings and reading whichever book strikes my fancy at the time. As of last week, I've been enthralled by a book titled "In A Sunburned Country", by Bill Bryson. This book, courtesy of my dear friend and constant email pal Alison Mullins, has proven to be an incredulously accurate and altogether hysterical collection of observations on the country of Australia. If you really do want to know more about this country that I'm learning to call home, this is the book for you. It's a perfectly balanced concoction of true facts and personal observations -- most of which I have made myself at some point. It's great to hear them said by a fellow American. At any rate, the book has brought me a good deal of joy and I would recommend it to anyone in a heartbeat.

That's all for now, and as always, we would love to hear from you. Feel free to email or comment below!

Much love!

Anna & Aaron Click Here to Read More..

Finding My Inner Aussie

Greetings, Loved Ones!

I greet you today, enthusiastic about what I have to say yet sorrowful about how long it's been since I've written.

I haven't been writing these past few months because I've been having a seriously hard time. While I'm somewhat used to hard things happening in my life, I'm not as used to feeling genuinely overwhelmed. For the first time in my life I felt completely helpless. Not just "I feel like a doormat" helpless, but also "there is no real help available to me" helpless. Believe it or not, marrying young and moving to a new culture isn't all fun and games. But I have good news: I am making headway in my new life. I am gaining ground. I am plowing through this hard packed, sunburnt earth and shoving my roots down into the ground.

I am learning the language of the locals (sanga = sandwich), my skin has taken on something resembling a tan, I've found a deodorant that works, and Aaron and I are slowly but surely gaining clarity on what our life is going to look like in the upcoming months and years.

I'd also like to mention that Aaron and I have two new housemates: their names are Gary and Gecks, two small lizards that we welcome into our home to keep the ants at bay. They are our friends. Sometimes they even sleep on our bedroom ceiling at night -- that can be a little weird, but what are you gonna do. Roommates, am I right?

After much prayer and deliberation, we decided to move on from Youth With A Mission. This organization has been such a blessing to us (starting with introducing us to each other), but the Lord is moving us forward. While much of our plan is still in the process of being confirmed (things move so slowly here, it's truly a "beach town culture"), I can tell you that I am looking at continuing my studies through the Australian system of higher education (which was always our plan), and Aaron is looking at a career path that would be equal parts trying and rewarding.

As our future begins to come into focus, I will update you in more detail. Thank you for bearing with us. I feel bad for not writing for so long, but had I, it mostly would've been written from an unstable state of mid-meltdown. God bless Aaron for being a patient man.

Thank you all, and we love you so dearly!

Many blessings! Click Here to Read More..