When The God Of Love Tortures You

Greetings, Loved Ones!

It’s been many months since my last post. For the few of you who don’t know, in early August of last year, I had my spine fully reconstructed by three of the world’s top spinal surgeons. The procedure went well, but I ended up with several severe complications that landed me back in the hospital. For details on this journey, you can visit our frequently updated GoFundMe page here: https://www.gofundme.com/help-with-anna039s-spinal-surgery

Several of those aforementioned complications have stuck with me over the last several months, and as I try to fight through them, I had some observations to share.

As I write this, I’m talking to my friend about suffering. She’s been having a hard time with several sad and frustrating happenings in her life, and we were commiserating and talking about the impact our hardships have had on our respective walks with Christ. I ended up sharing a brief story that I’ll share with you all now:

When Aaron and I were first getting serious in our dating life, I flippantly said something like “Sometimes I wish I could just die already and get to heaven to be in a perfect place with Jesus!” Aaron, being the selfless, wonderful man he is, was rather hurt by that. He said “What? You mean that if you had a choice to stay here with me or leave me and be with Jesus you would choose to leave?” And I said “Of course! Wouldn’t you?” And he said back to me, “Of course not - I would never willingly leave you here, even if it meant greater happiness for me in the moment.”

SO - I was put in my place. (PS - can anyone see why I got married so young, yet?) Yes, we both loved Jesus more than we loved each other, but we also did love each other, and spouses probably shouldn’t be daydreaming about a selfish choice to abandon one another for a life in heaven with Jesus before the appointed time. We’ll get there when it’s time, and after all, THIS life is a life with Jesus, if you do it right. I ended up having to walk back what I thought was a perfectly sound theological argument for the sake of our relationship, only to discover years later that it was not, in fact, sound at all. Ha! But, when I was sharing this story with my friend just now, it called into question whether I still felt that passionate love for and desire to be with Jesus in heaven as soon as possible. My answer to myself, hard as it was to admit, was this:

Yes, I want to be in heaven. Of course I do! Who doesn’t? Between this place and that place, who would choose this one? That’s like willingly choosing a pie from the dumpster instead of the one fresh out of the oven. No thanks. But what’s my reasoning behind wanting to be in heaven? It’s this: I don’t want to be in pain anymore. In my short life, I’ve endured more physical pain than most people will in a lifetime. I can say that with confidence after being hospitalized for being in so much pain that I had a resting heart rate of 180 bpm for over three days straight. For those of you who aren’t familiar with how high that is, just imaging going on an 80 hour dead sprint. Not a half-hour jog. And now, imagine your heart expending that much energy purely because of pain.

So yes, I want to be out of pain. But do I want to be with Jesus? After everything He’s done in my life, am I looking forward to being face to face with That? The One who has “refined” me to the point where my heart actually stopped? Am I looking forward to that?

I want to say no. But what trumps the Bitterness Seed that’s trying to weasel its way into my heart by screaming “You didn’t deserve this!!!” is my belief that Jesus loves me. I wouldn’t wish what I went through on my worst enemy, but He wished it on one of His beloved children. And that’s part of Who He is. The real question is: do I have the depth of heart, the tenacity and maturity, to be able to actively and passionately love a Christ, a Friend, who has done this to me? And Who continues to do this to me? My answer is: I’m trying.

I remember collapsing on my parents’ steps when I burst through the door with my dad after going on our first walk together around the whole block after my back surgery. I was in so much pain I could barely breath and on so many drugs that I could barely think. As I sat there, sobbing and sweating and panting for air, I could only get out two words: “Still Jesus.” I sat there blubbering those two words over and over again, in between my gasps for air and my sobs.

I will still choose Jesus. Even when I want to say “I never want to see Your face again - I never want to hear Your voice or follow Your will - in fact, I’m thinking of joining the weeping teeth-gnashers from Luke 13:28,” I will instead say with my whole heart, “Still, Jesus.” I will render my heart unto Christ, forcibly if necessary, because more than anything, I believe that Christ is real and that He loves me. And if those two things are true, bitterness has no place in my heart. There is only room for two words: Still Jesus.

Thank you all for praying for me and thank you for sticking with me in what seems like a non-stop barrage of disappointments and frustrations. Your prayers, your support, and your friendship has made an almost unbearable journey that much more endurable, since we are sharing the load. I’m so thankful for you all. Please check out our Go Fund Me page for the latest updates on my journey. We are no longer taking donations there, but we continue to post updates. Thank you again for everything.

Loving you,

Anna (and family!) Click Here to Read More..

A New Option

Greetings, Loved Ones!

Wow - it’s been so long since I’ve written. I feel like I start all my blog posts with that these days! I’ve written several posts over the latest months but each time, I just couldn’t publish them. They each felt not quite right in their own way — they were either too personal, too upsetting, too distant, or too superficial. So, now I write from a place of openness and tentative excitement. I have updates, I have things I want to share, and I have things I want to ask for prayer about.

No - I’m not pregnant.

Now that that’s out of the way, I suppose I should start with the basics. We’ve moved to a new home. We’re now renting a two story townhouse as opposed to our apartment that we rented for our first year of wedded bliss! It’s a beautiful house, totally tiled, with a wonderful balcony off the main bedroom along with a gorgeous and brand new (and huge!) kitchen. We love it, but it does come with its sorrows. We got caught in a routine scam from our real estate agency — and the real bummer is that the place we live in now is also with that same agency! So we couldn’t put up much of a fight over being (quite obviously) scammed as we were already feeling the ramifications in our new home. So, that was a bummer — but over all, we feel incredibly blessed and thrilled to live in such a gorgeous house. We are directly on the beach with only a large, grassy park between us and the sand!

I’ve gotten a job as a medical receptionist in a posh, new age, holistic, private health care centre just two blocks from our house. My coworkers are my people: we all have weird diets and none of us wear shoes at work. While I’m a lactovegetarian, two of my coworkers are paleo and the rest are gluten free, dairy free, sugar free,  etc... We have a “no shoe policy” in the lobby of the office and we have essential oils diffusing at all times, along with constant solo piano music (accompanied by the occasional sitar) and numerous fountains. It’s fancy and small and we all like each other which brings me much joy. I’m working part time as my doctor here has only cleared me for a certain amount of working hours per week with my back.

This brings me to my next topic: I’ve been told of a new treatment possibility for my spine. Over the last year, the option of surgery has been encroaching ever more ominously as my chronic pain has grown more excruciating. It’s gotten to the point where I’ve been feeling quite helpless, alone, and pessimistic about my options. I’ve felt stuck in a dichotomy of social taboos: I could be upfront with everyone around me with how immense the pain is and end up feeling like a weak, complaining, lazy person, or I could continue to disguise the situation by minimizing it in daily conversation with my friends, family, and coworkers and end up pushing myself past my reasonable capabilities and living day to day in severe pain. I haven’t wanted surgery as it’s so risky and, like my mom says, “once they start cutting in to you, you just never know what’s going to happen.”

So, in the midst of all this drama, I went to my sister in law’s birthday party last weekend and happened to sit next to a professional athlete named Tori West. She’s ranked first in all of Australia for track and field and is looking to represent Australia in the upcoming Commonwealth games and, eventually, in the Olympics. She’s also the kindest, loveliest, and most God-fearing girl you’d ever want to meet. . We were fast friends and got on well. We swapped compacted life stories and she told me about a career-threatening foot problem she had had years ago. “It was due to some minor scoliosis I had,” she told me. I just about jumped on her due to her use of “had.” She said the scoliosis had caused an imbalance in her legs and her foot had become quite painful and was near the point of surgery when she decided, as a last ditch effort, to see a specialist down south. After just three sessions over a few weeks, she said, he healed not only my foot but also all the symptoms of my scoliosis. The issues have never returned. He was able to rebalance her hips and the muscle distribution in her lower back. His name is Steve Lockhart and he works with professional athletes all over the country with injuries and imbalances — and he specializes in scoliosis and spinal conditions. He has apparently created a new way of treating spines and has been slowly building a reputation as a renowned specialist. Tori offered to put me into contact with him if I wanted.

Well, I want to. But first, I vowed to spend lots of time in prayer over it — with Aaron. I’ve been feeling so helpless that I now need to be cautious to not put all my faith in a person, in a doctor, instead of in Jesus. It might not be what the Lord has for me and it might not even work with my back. It would also be quite expensive as I would have to travel a long distance to see him each time. We’re taking time to pray over it and we would love it if you would join us in asking for clarity and provision to follow the Lord in regards to my spinal issues.

Lastly, I wanted to thank you all for praying for me and for my husband over this last year and a half. We’ve felt your prayers and they’ve been so precious and encouraging to us. We’ve had our little ups and downs as all people do; just this morning our car started having trouble and we have to take it in for an inspection on Friday. We’re praying fervently that it might be nothing major. If any of you have time to pray for that as well, it would mean so much! But, in the end, Aaron and I are so happy here together and are endeavoring to walk through life with an attitude of “even if this isn’t what we want, it’s what Jesus has — and so we will try our best to want it and Him through it all!”

If any of you want to connect with me more personally, I would love it. As usual, my email address is HERE and I would love to hear from you. I’m good at responding promptly, and I love a hearty online conversation! Thank you all for sticking with us.

With much love and thankfulness,

Anna and Aaron Click Here to Read More..

"How Badly Will It Hurt?" A Medical Update.

"I don't see how any degree of faith can exclude the dismay, since Christ's faith did not save Him from dismay in Gethsemane. We are not necessarily doubting that God will do the best for us: we are wondering how painful the best will turn out to be." - C. S. Lewis

That quote is an excerpt from a letter written by Lewis to his friend Rev. Peter Bide. Bide's wife had been diagnosed with cancer, just as Lewis' own wife, Joy, had been two years earlier. Bide had laid hands on Joy and prayed for miraculous healing years prior; the cancer took Joy's life several years later. Now it was Lewis' turn to pray for Bide's wife and, instead of writing about the certainty of miraculous healing, he takes the time to clarify that miraculous healing is not, in fact, always the best that God has for us.

As I'm sure you've guessed by this point, it's all bad news concerning my spine. My thoracolumbar scoliosis has worsened significantly and will most likely continue to do so. I have a rotated lumbar vertebra that is accentuating the already present pain in my lower back. There is nothing to be done about any of it and even major surgery likely wouldn't help the pain. I wasn't expecting this news and to be told even the most drastic, "Hail Mary" option wouldn't even ensure relief was a heavy blow. I was told pregnancy would be an extremely high risk scenario for my own body and, in the words of my doctor, "would likely blow your back into literal pieces." Now, that is of course debatable and even so, we will cross that bridge when we have to come to it. In the end, I was offered more opiates and referred to a high ranking physiotherapist -- but after being referred was told that any real help from his practice is unlikely. So, I'm hurting deeply. Literally and figuratively. To be told in what is supposed to be your "prime" of life that the pain will only get worse from here and that there is absolutely nothing to do about it... wow. It's hard. No cure, no hope, no relief, no way out.

But then... Jesus. I don't doubt that this is the Lord's best for me - I am only wondering how badly His best will hurt. Dreading, even, in the same way that Jesus Himself grieved at Gethsemane the suffering He knew was to come. I am so touched by those who pray for healing over my back but at this moment, I am not one of those who Jesus miraculously heals. I am one, like Joy Lewis, who the Lord has specifically chosen not to heal: and that's alright. If this is Christ's best for me, then I will rejoice and be glad in it! I wonder and dread how painful it is and will continue to be but, in the end, I want what Jesus wants. Miraculous healing would be lovely and a blessing beyond comprehension, but why would I jump to throw off the suffering that Jesus has decided to place in my life? He is the Counselor, the Advocate, my Friend who is closer than a brother. If He has decided that this life of pain is better for me than a life with healing, who am I to question? If it makes me more like Him - which it will - then Lord, give it to me. Jesus gave Paul a thorn in his side and if he could bear it (without any miraculous relief) and still march on towards the glory of heaven, so can I.

It is SO hard, of course. It will never not be hard; otherwise, what's the point? But in sharing this sad news with you all I also want you to know that I am at peace with it all - or at least, I'm getting there. As the old hymn goes, "When peace like a river attendeth my way, when sorrows like sea billows roll, whatever my lot, Thou has taught me to say: 'It is well, it is well with my soul.'" That hymn was written by a man who had just learnt that his entire family had died. There is a theme here: Jesus does not always deliver us from suffering. He causes it to happen: and to Him be the glory that results.

Thank you all for your prayers and for suffering with me through this hard news - it means so much to not suffer alone. Much love and the peace of Jesus be with each of you!

Anna and Aaron Click Here to Read More..

Having an Unseen Disability

Greetings, Loved Ones!

I threw my back out on the day after my last post. I'm in pain and have been generally unable to walk for about the past two weeks. I am writing this article from the floor of our apartment where I've had some time to develop my thinking on having an unseen disability. I wanted to share it with someone before I drive myself nuts, so here goes...

As some of you know, I have pretty severe scoliosis. My spine is malformed to the shape of an "S", containing two abnormal, 3D curves that offset the rest of my body. My left leg is longer than my right, my right shoulder is set higher than my left, my rib cage bulges visibly on one side and my hips aren't even; all this gives my body an overall thrawn and off-kilter feel. Now, keep in mind that up to 90% of diagnosed cases of scoliosis are minor enough to avoid both bracing and surgery; unfortunately, I represent part of the other 10%. For this 10%, I dare say, scoliosis can be quite the affliction. (If you'd like to read more on scoliosis, this is a great article (if clicking doesn't work - go to www.scoliosis-australia.org/scoliosis/about_scoliosis.html).

As a matter of fact, I'm going in for X-rays this weekend to have my scoliosis re-evaluated due to how horrible these last two weeks have been. If you wouldn't mind praying for me, I would be so grateful - the doctors will decide whether spinal fusion surgery should be performed. It's a high risk/high reward surgery and I'm hoping it won't be dubbed as the only option for my particular case, especially considering everything that ensued after my last, much more minor surgery here in Australia. So, if you think to, please pray for me.

So now that you know where I'm coming from, here's what I want to say...

My disability is relatively unseen; no one looks at me and thinks "oh - she's disabled, she needs help." In some ways I'm thankful for that because it means I don't have to endure the painful side of attention people with more visible disabilities are stuck with. The down side is that, in truth, I do need help. I have severe chronic pain at the best of times and at the worst (like in these past 6 days), I end up having to lay flat on the floor for up to two weeks. People often say to me "oh yeah, I have a bad back too - I totally feel ya." Now, I love when people try to relate to me as much as the next gal, but someone with the classic "bad back" telling me they know exactly where I'm at seems to me a bit like a person with a broken toe ranking themselves on the same level as a person with a broken femur. Maybe they both can't walk quite right, but the toe guy still doesn't fully "get it."

In the past weeks, I've had several conversations that have exasperated me for precisely that reason. Typically they go something like "Hey, want to go shopping with me tomorrow?" "Actually, my back is out and I'm in a lot of pain. I won't be able to make it." "Oh... Want to go in two days, then? Surely it's not THAT bad." I view conversations like this as the epitome of the blatant disconnectedness between seeing me as someone with a disability and seeing me as someone who just needs a pep talk. And I've wondered if this would be helped by actually wearing my brace again. When I was walking around in a moon boot for my broken leg, everyone was understanding to the point of me having to convince them that "no, really, it's okay, I can walk to the other side of the street on my own" and "that's okay, I'll be fine to stand for ten minutes, but thanks!" Now, granted, that level of incessant consideration can become exasperating, but it still beats the pep talk approach by a long shot.

So all that to say, when we come across disabilities and especially those that are unseen, perhaps we should alter our standard social interaction template and try something like this instead:

1. Let the disabled person decide how disabled they are or aren't -that's not our territory to encroach upon.
2. Seek to understand their experience rather than to relate with your own.
3. Accept the uncomfortable feelings that often come with talking to a person with a permanent physical problem.
4. Resist, at all costs, trying to solve the problem with a pep talk.
5. If you're at a loss for words, try something like: Wow - that must be so difficult. I'd love to understand better if you'd be willing to share more.

That's all I have for now -- or at least, that's all that's safe to permanently immortalise on the internet. Thank you to all of you who have supported me in my wavering health and who continue to do so. You are all so encouraging to me! I will keep you posted after I know what our next steps are.

God bless you all.

Much love,

Anna Click Here to Read More..

Finally at Home

Greetings, Loved Ones!

Well, here we are again: me, sitting in the seat of "I've taken too long to update my blog"; you, sitting in the seat of "yes, you have."

The problem is that I find blogs so dreadfully impersonal. I can articulate whatever nonsense I'm convicted about at the moment and you have to listen. The truth is that I am just so much better at communicating one-on-one through emails and letters. Regardless, I can't write one thousand and some personalized emails however much I would like to and I am against mass emailing, so here we are.

I thought I would open up the windows of our life and give an update to let everyone have a peek inside!

So. We bought a car and it has manual transmission which means I am learning how do drive in the right of the car on the left of the street with my left hand and both feet. How's that for a task! Luckily for me, Australia takes Americans at their word for knowing how to drive and thus I have already procured an open driver's license for myself. Might I add: it takes Australians about three years of training to get an open license and I, with proof of my US license, got it immediately. It took me only six months to get my US license -- all this goes to say, for better or worse, I got to skip out on about 2.5 years of training.

In other news, in the past months I've had some more medical woes and 6 weeks ago I was diagnosed with Poly Cystic Ovarian Syndrome (without the testosterone imbalance) and a severe iron deficiency. I wish I could have told more of you about it while it was happening but the truth is the possibility of being pregnant had me a bit "non compos mentis," if you get my meaning. Anyway, I'm on medication for the iron deficiency - all who are keen to tell me to start eating meat again, feel no need as it wouldn't help my particular case - and I'm at peace about my cyst filled insides. So, that's where we stand now! For those few who knew before, thank you for your support. For all who know now, thank you for your support! I will say this: it has been very hard on me to feel as though I'm degenerating already and at an alarming rate. So, thank you for your prayers.

As it's mid-Winter here, every day is warm and balmy; 75F is the average temperature. I try to spend at least three to four hours daily enjoying the outdoors whether it's for exercise, exploring, time with myself or with Jesus, or otherwise. I love every moment of it. I've spotted sea turtles, I've seen many a giant manta ray leap from the sea as if trying to fly, I've pet many a puppy on the boardwalk. I'm meeting new people all the time and though my preferred milieu doesn't normally align with that of the Antipodean bourgeoisie, I can normally find at least some common ground with everyone. Most times, that common ground is laughing at my wan and out of place complexion that I've somehow managed to maintain even living in North Queensland -- but it's common ground nonetheless and I'm happy to laugh at myself. Plus, like my grandmother always says, I'll be happy when we're 70 and everyone else looks like bacon. Ha!

Just yesterday I met two more of the lifeguards who fearlessly and selflessly patrol the beaches here in town. Their names were Scott and Jeremy, I think, though Jeremy slurred his name a bit and I'm not sure I got it right. Moving on. They told me about how they had to sting themselves with Box Jellies in their lifeguard training, much for the same reasons that police officers in training get tasered. They need to know how it feels and "what a real bugger of a sting looks like." I was in awe at that and said that, as far as lifeguarding around the world went, Australian guards seemed to me to be in a league of their own.

Lastly, I want to tell you all of a particular blessing I have encountered in my time here! Her name is Celia K. When we first moved here last August, I began to feel a decided lack of quality relationships and a decided surplus of vapidity in those I did have. As some of you will remember, I was lonely and sad and altogether unenthused over the prospect of living my life in a country where deep, non-casual, stimulating relationships were not the norm and indeed were seen as awkward (as were those who sought them out) more often than treasured. Ceal, I am delighted to tell you, has completely revolutionized my initial impression of Australians and their preferred method of casually keeping everyone at arm's length. She is hilarious, kind, warmhearted, exceptionally mature, relatable and everything I could ever ask for in a friend. And more importantly than all those other attributes, she laughs at my jokes. At the severe risk of sounding clingy and desperate, I offer this analogy: I felt quite a bit like a diver who had been stuck below the surface for too long and was just offered a delightfully fresh breath of air from an oxygen tank. Seriously, this girl is the friend that I was praying for. Thank you for those of you who have been praying that I would make a strong and quality friendship down here - it has helped SO much in my endeavor to ground myself here. Finding a close friend and kindred spirit has shot me forward in my venture to send my roots into the ground in this country and, I must tell you: I've finally started to feel at home.

Thank you for caring about me and, as always, please email me here if you'd like to chat! God bless and thank you for your support.

Much love, Anna (and Aaron!) Click Here to Read More..

Exciting News!

Greetings, Loved Ones!

We are especially grateful to the Lord this week because Aaron and I just bit the bullet and sent $7,000 away to the Australian government. Why, you might ask? Because! This woman right here wants to become an Australian citizen! Don't worry, my American compadres: I plan to attain dual citizenship -- not to give up my right to American soil! First things first, though: I need to become an official permanent Australian resident. The only way to do that is to play my "I married an Australian" card and apply for a Spousal Visa! So, now that we've officially sent in (and paid for) my 38 page application, we can start waiting. In four months, my "bridging visa" will come into effect, meaning that I can legally study and work in Australia. Somewhere between then and 20 months from then, I should (Lord willing!) be granted a temporary spousal visa, essentially giving me the oxymoronic "temporary permanent resident" status. That will stand until the Immigration Department makes a final decision on my visa grant. Finally, at some point after that, our hope is that I will be granted the permanent and luxurious version of the Spousal Visa, bringing along with it Permanent Australian Residential Status. More or less, this makes me a citizen in all but name. All in all, this process takes about 2 years start to finish. I will have travel limitations placed on me and my sweet little passport from now until I get the temporary spousal visa. Unfortunately, this means my visiting the States in the next year is unlikely. We would greatly appreciate prayers and encouragement in this time of agonizing waiting! Patience has never been my strong suit, as most of you know!

In other news, Aaron and I are both doing splendidly. He has been struggling with a bug of some sort these past few days which has been a pain (literally and figuratively), but other than that, we are plugging along, making progress in life as best we can. Aaron just got the last needed component in order to fix his computer tower that he built from scratch many years ago. Thanks to my bother-in-law Ashley, he's been able to start doing things again that he hasn't been able to do since his phone and laptop broke in 2016. Plus -- and this is the really exciting part -- he found a game online called Lego Marvel Superheroes that we can play together. It's my new favorite thing. I play as Iron Man and fly above all the little rooftops, occasionally falling off cliffs and into waterfalls. While we don't have a monitor just yet, we do have a monstrous TV... so if you were to walk into our living room there's a chance you would find on our TV screen Lego Hulk and Lego Iron man running around a digital New York City, smashing mailboxes and pizza trucks by accident. It's a great game.

Last week, I was able to take a miniature vacation with my friend and former maid of honor Katrina. We took a ferry over to a nearby island and rented a private bungalow for a couple of nights. I had a coupon -- as I do for most things on earth -- so it was low cost and high entertainment. We went for walks, had delicious meals at nearby cafes, pubs, and taverns, read in hammocks and went kayaking over open ocean. That was a bit nerve wracking seeing as how it's jellyfish season and Australia is home to the single most poisonous creature on earth: the Box Jellyfish. Apparently there exists no pain like being stung by one; it's also nearly invisible in the wild. Flipping our kayak was on the very bottom of our bucket list that day.

That's all for now, I gotta run! The grocery store is calling. Fun fact: there is a bird nesting on top of one of our aircon window units. It's little talons scratching on the metal are making me smile! Much love to you all. Please contact me by clicking here for my email address.

God bless,

Anna and Aaron Click Here to Read More..

Post Cyclone Update

Greetings, Loved Ones!

It is time for an update.

Aaron and I are doing well. I broke my toe a few weeks ago, but on the bright side, that should fill my quota for bodily injury for the next few months at least. It could have been worse: I could have fallen out of a tree! So, I am gruntled.

The days are cooling as Autumn takes the role of our presiding season. We've moved into mid-to-high 80's as opposed to low 100's! I wore jeans yesterday for the first time in months.

Cyclone Debbie is old news for us but a bit further south they are still experiencing the aftermath. For instance: a fully grown bull shark was just found on a sidewalk in a town just a few hours from us. That being said, a shark of colossal proportions just turned up in our swimming area last week. But that had nothing to do with flooding -- I'm afraid that's just the nature of every day life around here. Anyway, thank you for your prayers! Your faithful love and support have encouraged and spurred us on through so much, and this cyclone was no exception.

In other news, I would like to elaborate on the upcoming plans I mentioned in my previous post. Aaron is planning on re-enlisting into the Royal Australian Air Force, or the "RAAF." He has begun the process already, and while it is a long road ahead, we are traveling down it steadily. We aren't sure how long it will take and there is still a galling amount of hoops to jump through, but Lord willing, he will be re-enlisted soon. In the mean time, he has a great job nearby that provides solid physical and mental preparation for the military.

He and I are doing so well. In summation, our lives are starting to look more ordinary than usual -- as oxymoronic as that sounds. No more weeks spent in hospital beds, no more sudden, cross-continental trips fueled by the power of love. I have a sneaking suspicion that our lives may take a turn for the outlandish in the near future, but I could be wrong. With histories such as ours, getting comfortable with the ordinary is typically improvident.

Lastly, I wanted to share a little piece of happiness from my week. I've been in the habit of walking to the beach in the mornings and reading whichever book strikes my fancy at the time. As of last week, I've been enthralled by a book titled "In A Sunburned Country", by Bill Bryson. This book, courtesy of my dear friend and constant email pal Alison Mullins, has proven to be an incredulously accurate and altogether hysterical collection of observations on the country of Australia. If you really do want to know more about this country that I'm learning to call home, this is the book for you. It's a perfectly balanced concoction of true facts and personal observations -- most of which I have made myself at some point. It's great to hear them said by a fellow American. At any rate, the book has brought me a good deal of joy and I would recommend it to anyone in a heartbeat.

That's all for now, and as always, we would love to hear from you. Feel free to email or comment below!

Much love!

Anna & Aaron Click Here to Read More..

Finding My Inner Aussie

Greetings, Loved Ones!

I greet you today, enthusiastic about what I have to say yet sorrowful about how long it's been since I've written.

I haven't been writing these past few months because I've been having a seriously hard time. While I'm somewhat used to hard things happening in my life, I'm not as used to feeling genuinely overwhelmed. For the first time in my life I felt completely helpless. Not just "I feel like a doormat" helpless, but also "there is no real help available to me" helpless. Believe it or not, marrying young and moving to a new culture isn't all fun and games. But I have good news: I am making headway in my new life. I am gaining ground. I am plowing through this hard packed, sunburnt earth and shoving my roots down into the ground.

I am learning the language of the locals (sanga = sandwich), my skin has taken on something resembling a tan, I've found a deodorant that works, and Aaron and I are slowly but surely gaining clarity on what our life is going to look like in the upcoming months and years.

I'd also like to mention that Aaron and I have two new housemates: their names are Gary and Gecks, two small lizards that we welcome into our home to keep the ants at bay. They are our friends. Sometimes they even sleep on our bedroom ceiling at night -- that can be a little weird, but what are you gonna do. Roommates, am I right?

After much prayer and deliberation, we decided to move on from Youth With A Mission. This organization has been such a blessing to us (starting with introducing us to each other), but the Lord is moving us forward. While much of our plan is still in the process of being confirmed (things move so slowly here, it's truly a "beach town culture"), I can tell you that I am looking at continuing my studies through the Australian system of higher education (which was always our plan), and Aaron is looking at a career path that would be equal parts trying and rewarding.

As our future begins to come into focus, I will update you in more detail. Thank you for bearing with us. I feel bad for not writing for so long, but had I, it mostly would've been written from an unstable state of mid-meltdown. God bless Aaron for being a patient man.

Thank you all, and we love you so dearly!

Many blessings! Click Here to Read More..

Dwelling in Loneliness

Greetings, Loved Ones.

I wanted to lend you all some real insight as to what my life has looked like this past month. This post will cover the topic of loneliness.

While marriage is wonderful and my husband is my very best friend, any married person would probably agree that your spouse cannot (and should not) satiate all your need for human relationship.

This wouldn't be much of an issue except that I am in the unique situation of having physically left all my deep, life-giving relationships on the other side of planet Earth. Due to this, this past month has been exceptionally difficult for my heart and spirit. I am torn between the bountiful excitement of my new marriage and the heart-wrenching sorrows of feeling deeply alone in my new life. I had become acquainted with loneliness over the last two years due to my multiple surgeries and weeks spent alone in hospitals and quarantine rooms; now, I must say: it seems as though I carry loneliness around on my shoulders every day.

The reason I write this is not to throw myself a pity party (though, it has been hard, and I would appreciate prayers!). Rather, I want to share with you something that the Lord has shared with me this last week...

It is of utmost importance to dwell in loneliness at the feet of the Lord.

Loneliness has a unique way of bringing us to the very ends of our little ropes of self-sufficiency. For instance, I like to fancy myself a pretty independent person. Right now, newly married in a new culture, surrounded by brand new people, I feel, for the first time, incapable of adjusting. There is simply too much to adjust to. Suddenly, my self-sufficiency rope comes to an end, I slide off the end of it, and I land hard with my butt on the gravel wondering how I devolved into such a horrid state of friendless-ness and frustration. I know that sounds a bit melodramatic, but bear with me. Suddenly my independence is gone and I am left with my husband and Jesus.

Those last two words are the most important in this post: and Jesus. My current state in life demands that, when despair and longing and bitterness creep into my heart, I say back to them: "You are not welcome here, for I know that my God will never leave me nor forsake me. He is close to the broken-hearted and He saves those who are crushed in spirit." I often find myself singing the comforting song: Almighty, Infinite Father. Faithfully loving Your own. Here in our weakness You find us--falling before your throne." I find it helps me when the endless supply of chocolate bars I've stored up doesn't.

I received a card from my grandmother yesterday that said: "God never wastes a trial." How true those words are! My heart hurts with homesickness and longs for normalcy, but I can feel the Lord refining me. I can feel Him teaching me to let the things of this world--things like popularity and the comfort of familiarity--grow dim. There are some lessons that simply cannot be taught when everything is right in life. The Lord never wastes a trial; He works through them, using them like fire to make us malleable. The fire is painful and uncomfortable--it often seems like I cry more often these days than I ever have before--but we must experience it in order to be molded into vessels of Jesus Christ.

If I can quote my father, officiating at my wedding: "I pray that the Lord would bring trials your way." I want to second that prayer and ask Jesus to please-- bring me hardship. Keep me in this place of alienation and loneliness for as long as it takes to cause me to fully rely upon Your company. Place me over the fire in order to make me malleable. I will consider it pure joy, even through the tears, because I know that it produces perseverance, making me mature and complete, not lacking anything.

That's all for now-- thank you for journeying with me in this time.

Much love,

Anna Click Here to Read More..

First Thoughts On Marriage and Other News!

Greetings, Loved Ones!

Well! Here we are again, me in Australia, you in the States (most of you, anyway--apparently I have some readers from Russia!).

Thank you for bearing with my not posting for a while. We have been scrambling to find our feet here in the "Land Down Under"!

Now that we have become a bit more stable, I'd like to give you a quick update. First, I have just recently passed the "Married for One Month" mark, and I have thought up a few observations that I'd like to share with you:

1. Everyone steals covers at night, and that's not bad. You just have to be the stronger one.

2. People are less likely to tell you that you're bad with people if you're married.

3. Your spouse will still tell you that you're bad with people. (Throwback to last night when I walked into a room of men and practically shouted "Goodness, it reeks of sunscreen and B.O. in here," warranting a very kind "sometimes you say things a bit too loud." from Aaron.)

4. It is SO handy to have someone to steal you free food when you're not around to get it for yourself.

5. Every "parent in law" relationship is unique and multifaceted and requires understanding prior to judgement.

6. Single people become much more hesitant to befriend you once you get married, presumably on the grounds that "you already have a permanent friend."

7. Not everything needs to be talked about. Some things need to be overlooked.

8. If you have an introverted husband, don't tease him, even lightheartedly. They take it seriously. (I suppose I should've learnt this already from watching my parents interact at the dinner table--shout out to mom and dad!) : )

Alright! Now that I've gotten those nuggets of wisdom off my chest, I'll let you know "the haps"!

Aaron and I have settled into Australia fairly well and we have news! We have decided that we will not stay at YWAM beyond our short term commitment. YWAM has been a wonderful place for us in so many ways, and it will be difficult to say goodbye to this campus and this ministry for the foreseeable future as it has a significant place in both of our lives. We are not exactly sure where the Lord is leading us just yet. We will, of course, continue ministering to our communities and those beyond, it just appears it will not be in this context for much longer. We will let you know more soon!

Health-wise, we are also doing well, though my teeth are still not in good order. I have become used to only using one side of my mouth to chew; I know this is not good, but I am still working through how to access the healthcare system here, etc. Please pray that I would find a Christian dentist and perhaps be able to determine the root (no pun intended!) of the problem quickly and at minimal expense.

As to our emotional well-being, we (and, in particular, I) are remarkably well adjusted after such a whirlwind of change. From getting married, to leaving my family on the other side of the world, to showing up in a country where I have no friends and no citizenship, I have to give myself a pat on the back for adapting so quickly. One thing, though, I will never accept: they make you pay for ketchup packets here. I don't mean bottles, I mean PACKETS-- 50c to $1 per packet!!! PER PACKET! As in, go to a fast food chain, pick up some chips (fries!) for $7, and then pay an additional wallet-full for the necessity of ketchup. As my mother has often said in my support: ketchup is a universal right.

I will tie off this post with an update on how we are doing spiritually: we are well. In the midst of such change and wonder, the Lord has continued to lead us with His steady hand of guidance. A couple of days ago as Aaron was praying over our meal, he said: "Thank you, Father, for the ability to work hard and for Your pleasure." What a gift to be able to work hard for the Lord alongside my best friend.

Well, that is all for today! Thank you so much for your prayers and your friendship. We cherish them.

Much Love,

The Fischers Click Here to Read More..

Farewell For Now!

Greetings, Loved Ones.

Well! I'm off to the great unknown to begin what many say is life's greatest adventure. Aaron and I get married in 10 days! There is so much to be thankful for and so much that we don't know! As we journey forward, we hope to stay in close touch with every last one of you. Whether through email, phone calls, text messages, this blog (NOTE: Aaron and I will be continuing this blog under a new name - www.Fischersofmen.blogspot.com - please follow us there!) or social media, we plan to stay connected with our faithful community of supporters. This being said, please bear with us for the next month or so as we do our best to settle into a brand new life and, for me, an entirely new world.

Because I am only going to be unmarried for a little while longer, I want to write this last post before my wedding about my expected perks of married life. I hope to share my realized (and unrealized) perks later on! Hope you will laugh with me as I fumble through my ignorant, wedding-preceding thoughts.

Perk #1: I can say goodbye forever to bunkbeds.

Perk #2: When I get tired, I have someone to carry my groceries, my luggage, me, etc..

Perk #3: I have someone to tell me I'm fantastic when I get tired of saying it to myself in the mirror.

Perk #4: I have someone to commiserate with over how this world has simply not been made for people over 6' (I'm looking at you, chandeliers-that-hang-over-tables. And you, department-store-pants. And you too, every-group-photo-ever-taken [flashback to high school where I was always made to "stand in the back with the boys" or "squat down to look normal"].)

Perk #5: No more having to share a bathroom with 5+ roommates.

Perk #6: I will always have someone to hold me accountable.

Perk #7: I will always get a courtesy laugh, even for the lamest of jokes. (Nod to all elephant jokes, especially "how can you tell an elephant is in your fridge?" #footprintsinthebutter.)

Perk #8: I have someone to school me in the importance and tenderness of being silent.

Perk #9: I have someone to figure out the TV for me when I hopelessly throw in the towel after half-a-minute of fruitlessly trying to turn the thing on.

Perk #10: I have someone to keep me from being killed by 99% of the wildlife in Australia. (Nod to Drop Bears, and every Australian who has ever told me about them.)

Well, that's all for now; please pray for me as I enter this new chapter with Aaron. Specific prayer requests include: A) one of my teeth has been giving me trouble and it doesn't seem like I'll be able to fix it before I leave, so pray the pain goes away, or that I find a Christian dentist in Australia who will do the work for free! B) that Aaron and I would be able to settle in financially and be able to afford my $6,000 visa, my dental expenses, if need be, etc. C) that I would be able to acclimate well to my new community (and my new family!) and find good women close by to teach me and travel with me in life. D) pray that our wedding would honor Jesus Christ and that He would be seen and heard from on that day.

If you would like to email me, call or text me, or write me a letter (personally, letters are my favorite- I promise to return them!), my email address is here and my mailing address in Australia will be YWAM - Townsville, P.O. Box 6221, Townsville, QLD, 4810, Australia. If you need my cell number, email me and I will give it to you!

Thank you all so much.
Many blessings in Him who leads our lives,
Anna (and Aaron!) Click Here to Read More..

Married and Moving--What's Next?

Greetings, Loved Ones!

So. I'm getting married and leaving the country--and this August, no less! I figured you all would like an update!

Aaron and I plan to get married in late August and move to Townsville, Australia directly after the wedding. We'll be working as full time missionaries for the YWAM base there for the foreseeable future. This is the same base Aaron and I met at and the same city in which Aaron spent much of his adolescence and young adulthood.

While there, we will be working with the youth of the city, the underprivileged people groups in the city and in the surrounding areas, and the people of Papua New Guinea. The base we will be working at full time centers their ministry around all of these topics, but places special emphasis on reaching out to the people in Papua New Guinea and providing them with biblical teaching, community service, and health, dental, and vision care. You can read more about it at www.ywamtownsville.org, if you'd like! Aaron and I will be returning to the base once again with the goal of spreading the gospel and love of Jesus throughout unreached people groups, whether that is in the nation of Papua New Guinea, the small city of Townsville, or elsewhere! We don't plan on working with Papua on-shore just yet--we'll be working to help the cause from the site in Townsville for now. This being said, we will keep you updated if we get a chance to minister on-shore!

After we arrive at the YWAM Townsville base and begin working again, we plan to hash out our next step in ministry as a married couple. We may stay at Townsville to staff indefinitely, we may move to the YWAM Whitsundays base, or we may do something yet different. We are not sure what the Lord has for us beyond this next step. We plan to take this next year in stride, along with the blessings it's sure to bring: being in a familiar town, having mutual friends nearby, and especially living nearby Aaron's family. This will allow him a chance to reunite and me a chance to get to know my in-laws and new sister. I grow more and more thankful for this opportunity the more I think on it! The Lord is so good.

This transition will not be easy for me--I will dearly miss my family, church, and surrounding community. However, this is where the Lord is directing my life at the moment. It's been a roller coaster of life-altering events leading up to this, but, through it all, I have come down to this truth: the Lord truly has His firm hand over my life and I feel it, consistently, gloriously, and relentlessly.

This is all supremely exciting and I look forward to seeing many of you soon (Aaron and I will be home in late July! If you would like to get together with one or both of us, email us! We would be delighted to catch up over coffee!). Lastly, I should let you all know now, even just two months before we leave: we are looking to begin fundraising throughout our communities again. I want to clarify: as we cannot take many belongings overseas with us, we will also be asking for financial wedding gifts in lieu of the classic "newlywed house stuff". Those financial gifts could go towards any number of things (including newlywed house stuff!), as would be expected. However, financial gifts given before the wedding and towards our "mission fund" will be used purely for costs directly relating to our mission's work.

For that fund, we are looking to raise $3,000 to cover the cost of living for our first three months in Townsville, September - December, 2016. We are praying that we will receive funds and/or commitments in that amount prior to our wedding day. This would include one time donations, commitments to one-time donations, and commitments to monthly support. I know this is a lot to tackle in two months, especially alongside a wedding and a cross-continental move, but we are trusting the Lord to provide. We're also looking for commitments for prayer support--prayer support is truly just as important as financial support, so if you'd like to commit to that, we'd love it if you would contact one of us directly.

How to send us your support
If you'd like to support us via check, you can make it out to Anna Winters and mail it to my parents home in Mechanicsburg, PA. If you don't know their mailing address, you can email Kim Winters here and she will send it to you. If you would like to speak with either Aaron or myself about our mission work, needs, etc., my email address is here and Aaron's is here. We would genuinely love to talk with any and all of you and continue building solid relationships.

Well, I believe that's all for now. I want to thank so many of you already for being so supportive and loving and kind since the announcement! I couldn't have imagined a more encouraging response. I love you each dearly, and please contact me, even if you'd just like to chat! Thank you so much!

Blessings, Anna (and Aaron!) Click Here to Read More..

Acceptance with Joy!

Greetings, Loved Ones!

Two days ago, I met a four-week-old Swedish Mountain Dog named Cheddar. He was the softest little pooch you could imagine. He also jumped up on my knees and licked my face.

Three days ago, I made creme brûlée for an event I was putting on with the rest of my small event leadership team. I put the ramekins in the oven and proceeded to forget about them entirely. (How could you forget creme brûlée, you ask? Because I'm impulsive and I was cuddled up in a blanket, eating tomatoes and sprouts and watching Man Vs. Wild, that's why). Several tomatoes later, I remembered the brûlées and I rushed back downstairs and ripped them out of the oven an HOUR late and, voila, they were perfectly done.

Yesterday, I was walking alone to go pick up some groceries from a local market when a man caught my attention and complimented my smile, saying it "made his day." (Cheesy, I know, but it did brighten the moment.)

Today, I was listening to my excited friend talk about her preparations to go on a mission trip to three different exotic countries. I was reminded that I was never able to go on the Papua New Guinea missions trip I had planned on for so long. I looked down at my leg and let myself feel the dull ache that always arises after consistently using it for several hours. I began to feel the remnants of having slept terribly last night--my rest had been riddled with maintenance insomnia and nightmares. I went downstairs to pick up my laundry from the dryer and found a hole in a new dress I loved. Later, I scratched my hand up while cooking dinner for the students at the base. I never drink enough water, but the weather is becoming hotter now, and by the early evening I had developed a sore throat. My temper was short by the end of the day. When the unreliable, irresponsible gene that most people contain somewhere in their veins was displayed by some of my housemates, I became just generally bad-emotioned. That's the best way I can describe it. Disdain, impatience, a desire to shame others into acting in regulation with the code I conduct myself by, an annoyance with myself and an unhappiness with my current life all bubbled to the surface.

HOWEVER. I have recently come to realize the ultimate importance of cultivating a heart of gratitude. It is silly indeed to heap the blessings of the past on the alter of my unfortunate "today." It is even sillier to lose any measure of hope and enthusiasm for tomorrow based off of my unfortunate "today." I believe the Lord desires to see his children grateful for the gifts He gives them. I am reminded of a scene in the book "Hinds Feet on High Places" where "Much Afraid," the helpless protagonist of the book, is told she will have to take a lengthy and grueling detour away from her destination of the "High Places." After sobbing at the feet of the "Good Shepherd," she looks to the crags of the mountainside and sees a small yellow flower, smiling and raising its petals to the heavens. The flower speaks up and says to the Shepherd, "Behold me, here I am; Thy little handmaiden Acceptance-with-Joy, and all that is in my heart is Thine."

What a powerful message to be taught from a talking wildflower.

Life can be annoying sometimes. It can often be even downright discouraging. But to learn the art of accepting life with joy-- taking the highs with gratitude and the lows with grace-- this is what we should be striving for.

I just wanted to pop in and share this message with all of you. Many blessings, and thank you for praying for me as I know you do! Contact me if you'd like to know more details about my life here, or if you're interested in donating to my mission or hearing my prayer requests! My email address is located here and my address is 602 Langdon Street, Madison, WI, 53703. Thank you for your time!

Love,

Anna Click Here to Read More..

Good Friday Meditations

Greetings, Loved Ones!

I am sorry for not writing in so long. The reason behind my absence is simply that I have not had anything particularly exciting to write on! I am working in missions again, on staff at a campus ministry, studying psychology online and trying to remain sane. There's not much else to write on, but if you want the nitty gritty or truly want to hear my inner trials and joys, email me here!

In the mean time, I was reflecting on the harsh, brutal love of God the Father today. Today is Good Friday and, for some reason, I went about my day with a subconsciously melancholy attitude in my heart. My family would call it "feeling blooby"--a word I came up with when I was 7 years old--a mixture of "blue" and "moody." At any rate, as I spent time with the Trinity today, a deep sense of sorrow emerged from my subconscious and smacked me in the face.

When someone you love dies--though the pain may ease with time--the anniversary of their death will never fail to bring back a piece (however small) of the harrowing, deeply-cutting emotion you felt at their initial death. You could attribute it to simple emotional memory- remembering a traumatic event can often bring to the surface the feelings you felt during it. Considering this, here is something I want to point out: the fact that Jesus rose from the dead makes His death no less significant--no less painful for those who love Him. I feel that, often, due to us having the hindsight knowledge of the Resurrection, we forget how real Jesus' death truly was. Just because He regained life three days after dying does not mean the sorrow and horror of His death are swept away and forgotten--nor should they be. To forget the misery and reality of Jesus' sacrifice in order to revel in the glory of the Resurrection would be to belittle the sacrifice itself.

There used to be a certain throw blanket in my parent's house that had a beautiful painting printed on the front. The image was Calvary, with Jesus' cross standing front and center, surrounded by wildflowers and highlighted by the rays of a stunningly colorful sunset. I remember saying to my dad one night when I was young "I like this blanket!" He grunted and continued his business. I asked why he didn't like it (I had deduced his disdain from his noise of disapproval). He responded with "the Cross was a horrible thing. It was sad, brutal, and ugly. I don't like that it's been twisted and turned into a romanticized icon of peace and happiness and beauty."

That made an impact on my young heart. The crucifixion is not what we should rejoice about. The victory Christ won over sin and death is what we should rejoice about. Good Friday was the saddest day of all for many who knew Jesus. The sadness (and the cause of the sadness) of that day should not be forgotten due to the Resurrection later on. This may seem controversial to some of you- why would we remain sorrowful when we know Jesus has risen from the dead and lives in Heaven? Because, my friends. He made a sacrifice. Take time to remember the weight He felt before making it, the sorrow God felt in giving up His Son, the agony Christ felt when the Father turned His face away so as not to look upon the disgusting burden of our sin that Jesus chose to carry. That was a sad day. I feel that, to properly thank Him for sacrificing Himself, I need to take time to meditate on how horrifying and meaningful a sacrifice it was. Otherwise, I barely realize what I'm thanking Him for.

These are some thoughts from my devotions the last couple of days. I will write again soon. Thanks so much for taking the time to read, and thank you for your prayers and support!

May God bless you this Easter!

Much Love,

Anna Click Here to Read More..

First Impressions and Updates - Wisconsin

Greetings, Loved Ones!

I've lived in Madison for three and some weeks now, and I thought I'd share my first impressions, as I always do when I move to a new place!

First, living in the middle of downtown is simply inspiring. I can walk everywhere in 10 minutes or less.

Second, everyone is loud all night, until roughly 8 am. Last night, around 3 am, a fight broke out beneath my window between two highly intoxicated college males. While their vocabulary was colorful, somehow it only managed to emphasize their lack of intelligent conversation.

Third, the weather here is quite bipolar. It will be negative 20 F one day, and 40 F the next. Positively bizarre. On that same note, it's not just normal cold here- it's wet cold. The house I live in is closed in by two lakes on opposing sides of downtown- Mendota and Monona. This causes it to be humid cold, not dry cold. Basically, it feels like you're swimming through ice. Like that squirrel from Ice Age. I have newfound empathy for that fellow.

Fourth, everyone who inhabits downtown is either homeless or a college student. Let me rephrase that: everyone here is homeless. Or so it seems, as all I see throughout the night are wandering twenty-somethings asking for alcohol or cigarettes. But here's the bright side: this town caters to that, which means we have establishments like "Insomnia Cookie", which is a restaurant that delivers fresh baked cookies to your location until 3 am every night. Basically, my dream support system.

In other news, I'll tell you what I've been up to here: I am now co-leading a small group, open to the students of UW-Madison, I've started a "Communications" area for the PHOS house to improve publicity and public relations with the campus (as this is campus ministry and so far it seems we have next to no way of efficiently contacting the students), I cook for the base one night a week, and I clean the house once a week with a team of three other humans. I've also taken on planning some of the community meals for the students living in our house and I was just asked today to design a banner for the front of our building to promote our leasing/seeking boarders status. So that's what I've been up to while on staff here. I'm also doing online schooling, taking several courses in Psychology and the like.

I am so happy here. I respect Wheaton and the people there (even more now that I know some of the students were secretly raising chickens in Armerding), but my heart is so much more content here. The Lord has been so good to me. I will continue to follow Him through thick and thin, but right now, it seems my life is quite easy to live. I am happy, I love where I am, I am hopeful for the future, and I am all around pleased with current events. Thank you, Lord- I refuse to accept your blessings without acknowledging them.

Lastly, I have an appeal to you all. My human, Aaron Fischer, is here on a religious volunteering and tourism visa. This means he cannot legally work or study under any accredited organization. What I'm trying to tell you is that he is living off of support as a full time missionary. Here's the thing: he's a man who has to eat and pay rent on top of getting around from place to place via public transportation. It's amazing how these things add up after a time. He needs support. If you'd like to donate anything to his mission, his blog is aaronmichaelfischer.blogspot.com. He has his prayer requests there, as well as a button to donate if you feel so led. Thank you so much my friends. I so appreciate every one of you! I pray the Lord blesses each of you today with unexpected, delightful blessings. Just don't forget to acknowledge them! : )

With Love,
Anna Click Here to Read More..

Goodbye Wheaton, Hello YWAM Madison!

Greetings, Loved Ones!

So. The decision has been made. I am leaving Wheaton College. The reasons behind this choice are plentiful, so I'll spare you the details. It's a wonderful place for some people. I am simply not one of those "some."

I'll satisfy your curiosities right now: I'm moving to the breathtaking, awe-inspiring world of cheese. That's right- I'm moving to Wisconsin. I'm transferring to do online schooling while working as a part-time volunteer with YWAM in Madison. To be honest, I don't know exactly what my life will look like in the upcoming months and years. I'm laying down my plans at the throne of God and accepting wholeheartedly the fact that, even if I wanted to, I cannot lean on my own understanding. This is simply because I have no understanding. No understanding of why my life has gone the way it has this past year, no understanding of where the Lord is taking my life in the upcoming seasons.

Now that you're updated, I'll tell you how Christmas went. Most of you know that, this Christmas, I brought home my significant other, Aaron. I wanted to submerge him fully in the wonders of the Winters family.

He helped decorate the tree, baked Christmas cookies, watched our favorite Christmas movies (including White Christmas - YES!), played board games, joined in family banter, sat at the kitchen table with dad and discussed their mutual love for Jesus and especially their favorite book of Isaiah, and bonded with Joe on multiple levels where at one moment Joe said "I love you man, welcome to the family." Basically, it went well.

We never did go to Outback Steakhouse, though.

This week I have been amazed by the faith in the diseased woman in Mark 5. She was so confident Jesus' power would heal her that all she resolved to do was touch His clothes, even without His knowing. She did and was immediately healed. Jesus didn't say "I am willing" as He did to the leper in Matthew 8. He didn't even acknowledge the woman until after she had been healed through His power. This woman was confident that her fingers brushing a piece of cloth worn by Jesus would far surpass the effectiveness of every professional she had seen throughout her life combined. And it was. The Lord is so unbelievably holy, pure, and powerful that merely making contact with Him can heal you of truly anything. This is what I'm convicted of: I have contact with Jesus. So why should I not have the same confidence in His healing as this woman who bled chronically?

PS: don't be the disciples from this chapter who turned around and said "Jesus, the crowd is all around you, how can you ask who touched you?" Just...don't question Jesus. That's what I've learned. As soon as you hear yourself saying "Jesus, what do you think you're doing?" just stop and ask yourself the same question.

Thank you as always for all of your prayers. My leg has been holding up with no returning signs of infection! Praise the Lord! Much love to you all! I have a list of those who have supported me either financially or who have vocalized their prayers for me and I go over that list in my mind every time I write this part of my blog post. You are all truly dear to my heart. God bless! Click Here to Read More..

A Please-Read-Revelation!

My Loved Ones.

I simply must share something that I have just been confronted on by the Lord.

In early March of this year, as I was camping in the Australian bush, I had a conversation with the King of the universe. First, I told Him clearly that I had no idea how to pray "correctly," and I told Him that, as I believed He is omniscient, I believed Him to know my heart and prayer even though I didn't know how to get my desires to Him in "the right way," if there even is a "right way" to pray. Then, I asked the Lord to refine me. I told Him to be real about it; I wasn't up for slow, minuscule refinement over the course of 10-20 years. I asked Him to put me in a difficult situation that only He could get me through in one piece.

I came back from that trip and met Aaron, the man I'm currently dating, three days later. I'll save you the details and tell you that the Lord humbled me so entirely during those initial two weeks of getting to know that man that I barely knew who I was at the end of it. The Lord (bless You, Father, for this), showed His love for me in creating a kind and patient man out of Aaron prior to our meeting so that, as I was humbled and reconstructed from the ground up, I was able to do it alongside a firm, stable, uplifting friend. ...But GRACIOUS, was it difficult.

A few weeks after that, my most beloved possession on the face of the planet was hit by a car--this being my precious Kiwi, the kitten I was given for Christmas of '08 and who had cuddled me through all the hardships any typical young girl could undergo in life.

Fast forward a few more weeks and cue the slow-mo image of my hair floating upwards in an anti-gravity state as I flew through the air, having leapt from a hard, smooth tree branch, headed towards hard, rough gravel.

Since then... Well, most of you know.

Here is what I've been confronted on:

I asked for this. I sincerely asked to be put through the hardest refinement possible in order to become purer, faster. (Hello to my never ending impatience, shining through the story yet again.) And another thing: I do not regret asking in the least. The Lord has rendered my heart to an entirely new state than it was in just a year ago, and that is exactly what I desired and still desire most of all.

Here is what I have been dwelling on: the Lord has been UNFATHOMABLY good to me this past year. I say without hesitation that it has been the hardest and best year of my life. I am overcome by a desire to sing praises to Him at the top of my lungs-- but sadly it's here in Fischer Hall, and there's something called "quiet hours" from 11-9 each night. (I don't think I will ever understand that concept of "quiet hours." How about you, mom?)

Honestly, I am inexplicably excited about this concept. The Lord gave me the deepest desire of my heart, and here I was, sitting alone, sometimes even hoping for early relief or super speed fixes or miraculous healing from it, frustrated by my own confusion over what was happening to me. What in the world! Anna! Look at what's happened to you! The Lord has changed your life for the better! I remember saying just the other day that all I wanted was for my body to become reliable and trustworthy again-- WHAT! No. My body is the Lord's temple, He can do with it what He pleases. He alone will sustain me and my body both. Now, I can feel in my heart even now the twinge of fear that in giving up my body, I may encounter more serious medical problems. That would be hard. My heart is screaming to go overseas and work in missions with people who are crying out for Something more in their lives. I understand that if my body cannot handle it, the Lord may have something else in mind for me, and that terrifies me. But here's the thing: I am so out-of-this-world excited (literally) to meet God after this life is over--"when change and tears are past"-- that I want to be able to see His face and know that I followed Him into the life He had for me even if it wasn't what I thought I wanted. I want to receive the coveted "Well done, My good and faithful servant." I want to follow Him in this life so that I can follow Him into the next with an easy heart. If you start following Him now, it'll be routine by the time we're ready to pass on. I'm so excited about Jesus. How good a God you are, Lord. Thank you.

Also thank you to all you who have prayed me through these most recent developments! My PICC line is now removed and we hope everything is back to normal! I will be flying back to PA with Aaron on the 17th of December and look forward to seeing many of you over the weeks following. I harbor much love and thankfulness for you all! God bless you, truly. Click Here to Read More..

Loving Jesus When Life Goes South

Greetings, Loved Ones.

I wanted to wait to write this until my emotions were slightly more stable; I've been spontaneously bursting into tears over the past 10 days! During that time, I acquired many stories. Some gruesome, some funny, some hopeful, and some just plain old sad.

First: I got a culture taken from an abscess on my leg. Two days later I was admitted to the hospital for possible whooping cough along with a possibly infectious disease in my ankle.

The first night in the hospital, they put me on IV antibiotics. I woke up delusional at 2 AM scratching at my scalp, arms, chest, and neck, realizing minutes later as I woke up more fully that every time I scratched my skin it started to burn. I pressed the nurse button and called my mom, frantically asking if I was allergic to any medicines, fumbling to pull the IV tubes out of my arm. As the pain got worse, my poor mother had to endure listening to me sob into the help button radio, "Someone please help me, all of my skin is burning, help me!" until someone finally came to help. Turns out they had been pumping a certain medicine into me at much too fast a rate for my "sensitive system" to handle. So that was night one.

Then the nurses came in and told me they'd have to insert a PICC line into me, which is basically a thicker, longer IV tube. I must say: this hurt. Again, my "sensitive system" came into play. I tried not to watch too intently as they repeatedly pushed and pulled the tubing in and out of my upper arm, but seeing the nurse's gloved fingers coming up covered in blood didn't help.

My mother arrived promptly the next day and my morale was boosted. Later, a doctor came into my room and told us that I was going to need to have the hardware that was put into my leg in Australia removed entirely, as he believed that was what was causing the infection. This was difficult news as I was just three physical therapy visits away from being completely back to normal with my ankle - THREE VISITS! The end was so close and now I had to start all over again.

Aaron (that Aussie man I'm dating whom I told you about in my last post) arrived the following day from Wisconsin - his arrival also lifted my spirits. He and my mother met for the first time that morning in the hospital lobby, neither of them expecting to see each other there but both recognizing each other from pictures.

I received surgery the next day (day 3) which was grand until I woke up from the anesthesia. They were keeping a mask over my mouth due to the suspected whooping cough, so I felt like I couldn't breathe. I began to hyperventilate and in my sluggish mind I thought I was suffocating. The nursing staff retrieved Aaron from the waiting room in hopes he could calm me down. He came in and prayed over me and I called out "Jesus, help me!" before immediately falling back into a deep sleep. (Cool, eh?)

Two days later they discharged me with a no weight bearing order for my leg and I was sent back to my dorm at Wheaton College, to a new room on the first floor that was wheelchair accessible. In much pain and on many meds, I nearly vomited all over my dorm's lawn on my first day trying to get around.

Just today I received word about a couple things: first, my bone is infected, meaning I have osteomyelitis. While this is a very serious infection, my 6 week course of IV antibiotics should eradicate it (but please pray that it will!). Second, I'm being transferred to at-home care, meaning a nurse will come to my college and teach me how to administer my own doses of medication through my PICC line, making it possible for me to be detached from the CADD pump, which was greatly restricting my daily routine and causing me large amounts of discomfort and pain.

Conclusion: I have been battling feeling alone and overwhelmed, even though I know I have so many supporting me (thank you!!!).

Please continue to pray for me and my family as we battle through this struggle- I was so sure it was over, so sure the Lord was bringing me to the end of the tunnel, and suddenly I seem to be going through it all over again. My heart hurts sometimes with the feeling of helplessness. The Lord is making Himself known to me in this time just as He did in Australia, but somehow now He is not only testing my endurance but my willingness to go on. I know the Lord has me here at college for a reason and I am determined to stay to serve that purpose. There is a line in a hymn that I have been singing to myself frequently that says "I will cling to that old rugged Cross and exchange it some day for a crown." So many hymns have spoken to me over these past days, but for those of you struggling with loneliness or helplessness, I encourage you to listen to "Be Still My Soul", "It Is Well With My Soul", and "I Come to the Garden." Truly, the Lord dwells with you and I. Just like last time, please don't pray my struggle would get easier. Pray for me that the Lord would put me through whatever necessary to refine me into the woman needed to fulfill the plan He has for my life-- I believe that plan is spectacular, and I have asked many a time for God to not let me be unprepared for it. If this is what it takes, I will cling to that old rugged Cross, and one day, I surely will exchange it for a crown. Jesus is always good, always loving, always kind. I will love Him before myself and He will sustain me when, literally, I can no longer walk.

Thank you all, as always, for your prayers in this time- truly they have been so encouraging. The Lord bless and keep you all!!

Love, Anna Click Here to Read More..

The Man I'm Dating and Other News

Greetings, Loved Ones!

First things first: at a local church this morning, I was struck with a realization. God's children are beautiful. The man in the over sized hoodie and worn down jeans, raising his hands. The woman with perfect makeup not quite hiding that she hasn't slept right in a week, sighing in relief of exhaustion as she sings. The child with doughnut crumbs and frosting on her face, army-crawling down the center aisle while her mom trips over her heels trying to grab her before she evades her. The teenager biting her nails in the second row, trying to not be obvious that she's uncomfortable in the middle of such loud people. We've all got our quirks, but we were all there, moderately clean and somewhat personable. I can't say we were all there out of genuine desire as opposed to obligation or out of a true yearning for a meeting with the Lord as opposed to a perceived betterment of social standing amongst religious peers, but one thing I can say is this: God met us regardless, and it was wonderful.

I wish I had been more focused the entire service - I was not focused, not when I went in. It's a constant struggle to not always think about my schedule, how straight my sweater is, whether I'm singing on pitch, oh darn it I forgot my Bible and people are going to think I'm a heathen, my foot hurts in this shoe and when will I get to eat next. But my heart and mind got there eventually. And when two or more are gathered in His name, there He shall be also. We were together, bonding with one another over a mutual desire to recognize the goodness, faithfulness, and WORTHINESS of our God to be praised. We were children, lifting our hands and voices, our hearts attuned to the heart of the Lord, desiring to let it be known how much we adore our Father. How great is that? Beautiful.

Second: I am dating someone and here's the 411: His name is Aaron Fischer, he is a 23 year old native Australian whom I met in the second half of my Discipleship Training School whilst in Australia myself. He, too, was doing the training course, but began it in October, and thus finished months prior to my graduation. I have mentioned him nonchalantly throughout my blog in the past: for instance, if you track back to when I posted about my fall, he is the "friend" who was with me in the tree. At any rate, we became great friends as he was one of two people I knew in Australia while stranded in the hospital, left behind from my team headed to Papua New Guinea. As I moved back to America, we decided to date. After 4 months of long distance, he has now made the same journey across the Pacific that I made in the summer (only I did it with one leg--heh, heh) and moved to Madison, Wisconsin to be a missionary with YWAM, Madison. He has come through divine intervention, if you'll take my word for it. I was with him in the process of his finding his way here: it could never have come together without the Lord's hand. I'd love to tell y'all the story some time. He has started a blog to keep his own supporters updated (of which he could honestly use more, as any unpaid missionary could), so if you'd like to check it out, click here for the link to his blog. He is just beginning to add articles, so please check back for news on his developing ministry there right on the campus of the University of Wisconsin. His first article is actually about his first impressions of America and let me tell you: it's hysterical to hear an Australian's first impressions of America.

Random fact of the post:

He visited me for a few days when he arrived in the States for the first time. Some of my favorite quotes from the week:

"Oh, so that's a squirrel!"

"Wow. It's cold here."

(While trying to preheat the oven): "What do these temperatures mean?! Help me, I'm so confused."

"Everyone is so American."

"Everything has frosting on it."

"You have drive through ATM's? Seriously? I've heard about those but I thought they were a joke."

Alright dear ones. Thank you as always for reading and for your prayers! My leg has healed up quite well! Praise the Lord! I now walk without assistance and minimal limping! However, in the past couple of days I believe I have slipped a disc in my scoliosis-ridden back. In addition, I have developed the worst cough of my life. Going to the health center tomorrow to see what's wrong because whooping cough has apparently been quarantined on our campus and I have the symptoms. Obviously the coughing kills my back. Bummer. But God is good! He will fix me. There is power in faithful prayer, though, so please, do pray! Thank you as always. Love, Anna Click Here to Read More..

Update and Some Thoughts

Greetings, Loved Ones!

The last couple of days have been days of reflection and remembering. I was, just yesterday, remembering what it was like to stand, with two bare feet, in cooled sands, on the coast of the Pacific Ocean, listening to the waves roll and crash, watching the moonlight glimmer on the water, feeling the warm, summers-night breeze wrap me up in contentment.

So. Reality check: I have to go to a meeting on the other side of campus ...I am a college student, however discontent that statement makes me. Now, that can mean many different things. In this case, it means: I didn't bring a raincoat. Heaven knows I've never used an umbrella in my life (I don't like looking like a tree with a canopy over it). I can't make a mad dash through the rain due to the cinder block occupying my right leg. So. I put on a sweatshirt, pulled the hood up, and walked through the rain, contrasting these two experiences--one on the coast of the Pacific, one on the brinks of Chicago.

Luckily, I dearly love rain, so it wasn't a "doom and gloom" thought train at all, but rather I was dwelling on the fact that the Lord has blessed me with the ability to walk again, and through the rain, and at a steady pace, and I haven't fallen yet, and the rain is cool and the air is hot, and (my favorite) since everyone else apparently hates being out in the rain, I was alone walking through campus. Blessed aloneness. I was able to walk through hazy streets, see the puddles on the sidewalks, watch the rain fall off the color-changing leaves and find a new home in the grass. All in blessed, blessed, quiet, still aloneness. Praise the Lord.

Lastly, I thought I'd share with you all what I've been meditating on. First: the book of Zephaniah. If you haven't read it recently due to it's being a prophet and "not relatable" to life these days, go read it with an open mind and a humbly listening heart. If I could go back and change one thing about my relationship with Christ in the past, it would be all the times I read the Bible haughtily, thinking I knew which books could speak to me and how they could speak to me, drawing from my factual knowledge of the Bible and its contents rather than my relationship with the One who created it. Second: I was reading a short story by George Saunders yesterday called "The Semplica Girl Diaries". Nearing the end of the story, the narrator attends a funeral, at which he poses, to himself, the question: "Why were we put here, so inclined to love, when the end of our story = death? That harsh. That cruel. Do not like."

I thought on this for a long while. If there is no marriage in heaven then there are thus no families, in the literal, immediate sense of the word. So why, then, are we called to love anyone other than God alone? Why should we love our families or neighbors--why can we not simply be good to them out of obedience to Christ? Adam needed a helper, yes, but why must there be love involved in the relationship? Is it perhaps because God is love, and we, made in His image, mirror it without choice? Perhaps, then, the greatest apologetics argument is love. Why were we put here, so inclined to love, unless death is not the end of our story?

If any of you have any thoughts on the above pondering, I'd love to hear them if you'd like to - you can email me here or comment below. I have come to no firm resolution. I know only this:

"I am His and He is mine in a love which cannot cease, I am His, and He is mine."

Random fact of the post:

A squirrel ran by me quite furiously the other day, across the sidewalk in front of me, into the lawn beside me. He had an acorn in his mouth. He looked at me and froze, as if to say "I see you there- don't think you can move without my seeing you", and proceeded to shove his acorn-filled head into the ground with such ferocity that I was a bit taken aback. I went all the way up to him before he noticed me, at which time he jumped into the air, dropping the nut, and bolted into the trees. I suppose the Lord gives me encounters with crazy (not "cool" crazy--just plain crazy) animals because he knows I can relate.

My leg has improved slightly with physical therapy, praise Jesus.

Love and appreciation to you all! Lord bless and keep you!

Anna Click Here to Read More..