Loving Jesus When Life Goes South

Greetings, Loved Ones.

I wanted to wait to write this until my emotions were slightly more stable; I've been spontaneously bursting into tears over the past 10 days! During that time, I acquired many stories. Some gruesome, some funny, some hopeful, and some just plain old sad.

First: I got a culture taken from an abscess on my leg. Two days later I was admitted to the hospital for possible whooping cough along with a possibly infectious disease in my ankle.

The first night in the hospital, they put me on IV antibiotics. I woke up delusional at 2 AM scratching at my scalp, arms, chest, and neck, realizing minutes later as I woke up more fully that every time I scratched my skin it started to burn. I pressed the nurse button and called my mom, frantically asking if I was allergic to any medicines, fumbling to pull the IV tubes out of my arm. As the pain got worse, my poor mother had to endure listening to me sob into the help button radio, "Someone please help me, all of my skin is burning, help me!" until someone finally came to help. Turns out they had been pumping a certain medicine into me at much too fast a rate for my "sensitive system" to handle. So that was night one.

Then the nurses came in and told me they'd have to insert a PICC line into me, which is basically a thicker, longer IV tube. I must say: this hurt. Again, my "sensitive system" came into play. I tried not to watch too intently as they repeatedly pushed and pulled the tubing in and out of my upper arm, but seeing the nurse's gloved fingers coming up covered in blood didn't help.

My mother arrived promptly the next day and my morale was boosted. Later, a doctor came into my room and told us that I was going to need to have the hardware that was put into my leg in Australia removed entirely, as he believed that was what was causing the infection. This was difficult news as I was just three physical therapy visits away from being completely back to normal with my ankle - THREE VISITS! The end was so close and now I had to start all over again.

Aaron (that Aussie man I'm dating whom I told you about in my last post) arrived the following day from Wisconsin - his arrival also lifted my spirits. He and my mother met for the first time that morning in the hospital lobby, neither of them expecting to see each other there but both recognizing each other from pictures.

I received surgery the next day (day 3) which was grand until I woke up from the anesthesia. They were keeping a mask over my mouth due to the suspected whooping cough, so I felt like I couldn't breathe. I began to hyperventilate and in my sluggish mind I thought I was suffocating. The nursing staff retrieved Aaron from the waiting room in hopes he could calm me down. He came in and prayed over me and I called out "Jesus, help me!" before immediately falling back into a deep sleep. (Cool, eh?)

Two days later they discharged me with a no weight bearing order for my leg and I was sent back to my dorm at Wheaton College, to a new room on the first floor that was wheelchair accessible. In much pain and on many meds, I nearly vomited all over my dorm's lawn on my first day trying to get around.

Just today I received word about a couple things: first, my bone is infected, meaning I have osteomyelitis. While this is a very serious infection, my 6 week course of IV antibiotics should eradicate it (but please pray that it will!). Second, I'm being transferred to at-home care, meaning a nurse will come to my college and teach me how to administer my own doses of medication through my PICC line, making it possible for me to be detached from the CADD pump, which was greatly restricting my daily routine and causing me large amounts of discomfort and pain.

Conclusion: I have been battling feeling alone and overwhelmed, even though I know I have so many supporting me (thank you!!!).

Please continue to pray for me and my family as we battle through this struggle- I was so sure it was over, so sure the Lord was bringing me to the end of the tunnel, and suddenly I seem to be going through it all over again. My heart hurts sometimes with the feeling of helplessness. The Lord is making Himself known to me in this time just as He did in Australia, but somehow now He is not only testing my endurance but my willingness to go on. I know the Lord has me here at college for a reason and I am determined to stay to serve that purpose. There is a line in a hymn that I have been singing to myself frequently that says "I will cling to that old rugged Cross and exchange it some day for a crown." So many hymns have spoken to me over these past days, but for those of you struggling with loneliness or helplessness, I encourage you to listen to "Be Still My Soul", "It Is Well With My Soul", and "I Come to the Garden." Truly, the Lord dwells with you and I. Just like last time, please don't pray my struggle would get easier. Pray for me that the Lord would put me through whatever necessary to refine me into the woman needed to fulfill the plan He has for my life-- I believe that plan is spectacular, and I have asked many a time for God to not let me be unprepared for it. If this is what it takes, I will cling to that old rugged Cross, and one day, I surely will exchange it for a crown. Jesus is always good, always loving, always kind. I will love Him before myself and He will sustain me when, literally, I can no longer walk.

Thank you all, as always, for your prayers in this time- truly they have been so encouraging. The Lord bless and keep you all!!

Love, Anna Click Here to Read More..

The Man I'm Dating and Other News

Greetings, Loved Ones!

First things first: at a local church this morning, I was struck with a realization. God's children are beautiful. The man in the over sized hoodie and worn down jeans, raising his hands. The woman with perfect makeup not quite hiding that she hasn't slept right in a week, sighing in relief of exhaustion as she sings. The child with doughnut crumbs and frosting on her face, army-crawling down the center aisle while her mom trips over her heels trying to grab her before she evades her. The teenager biting her nails in the second row, trying to not be obvious that she's uncomfortable in the middle of such loud people. We've all got our quirks, but we were all there, moderately clean and somewhat personable. I can't say we were all there out of genuine desire as opposed to obligation or out of a true yearning for a meeting with the Lord as opposed to a perceived betterment of social standing amongst religious peers, but one thing I can say is this: God met us regardless, and it was wonderful.

I wish I had been more focused the entire service - I was not focused, not when I went in. It's a constant struggle to not always think about my schedule, how straight my sweater is, whether I'm singing on pitch, oh darn it I forgot my Bible and people are going to think I'm a heathen, my foot hurts in this shoe and when will I get to eat next. But my heart and mind got there eventually. And when two or more are gathered in His name, there He shall be also. We were together, bonding with one another over a mutual desire to recognize the goodness, faithfulness, and WORTHINESS of our God to be praised. We were children, lifting our hands and voices, our hearts attuned to the heart of the Lord, desiring to let it be known how much we adore our Father. How great is that? Beautiful.

Second: I am dating someone and here's the 411: His name is Aaron Fischer, he is a 23 year old native Australian whom I met in the second half of my Discipleship Training School whilst in Australia myself. He, too, was doing the training course, but began it in October, and thus finished months prior to my graduation. I have mentioned him nonchalantly throughout my blog in the past: for instance, if you track back to when I posted about my fall, he is the "friend" who was with me in the tree. At any rate, we became great friends as he was one of two people I knew in Australia while stranded in the hospital, left behind from my team headed to Papua New Guinea. As I moved back to America, we decided to date. After 4 months of long distance, he has now made the same journey across the Pacific that I made in the summer (only I did it with one leg--heh, heh) and moved to Madison, Wisconsin to be a missionary with YWAM, Madison. He has come through divine intervention, if you'll take my word for it. I was with him in the process of his finding his way here: it could never have come together without the Lord's hand. I'd love to tell y'all the story some time. He has started a blog to keep his own supporters updated (of which he could honestly use more, as any unpaid missionary could), so if you'd like to check it out, click here for the link to his blog. He is just beginning to add articles, so please check back for news on his developing ministry there right on the campus of the University of Wisconsin. His first article is actually about his first impressions of America and let me tell you: it's hysterical to hear an Australian's first impressions of America.

Random fact of the post:

He visited me for a few days when he arrived in the States for the first time. Some of my favorite quotes from the week:

"Oh, so that's a squirrel!"

"Wow. It's cold here."

(While trying to preheat the oven): "What do these temperatures mean?! Help me, I'm so confused."

"Everyone is so American."

"Everything has frosting on it."

"You have drive through ATM's? Seriously? I've heard about those but I thought they were a joke."

Alright dear ones. Thank you as always for reading and for your prayers! My leg has healed up quite well! Praise the Lord! I now walk without assistance and minimal limping! However, in the past couple of days I believe I have slipped a disc in my scoliosis-ridden back. In addition, I have developed the worst cough of my life. Going to the health center tomorrow to see what's wrong because whooping cough has apparently been quarantined on our campus and I have the symptoms. Obviously the coughing kills my back. Bummer. But God is good! He will fix me. There is power in faithful prayer, though, so please, do pray! Thank you as always. Love, Anna Click Here to Read More..

Update and Some Thoughts

Greetings, Loved Ones!

The last couple of days have been days of reflection and remembering. I was, just yesterday, remembering what it was like to stand, with two bare feet, in cooled sands, on the coast of the Pacific Ocean, listening to the waves roll and crash, watching the moonlight glimmer on the water, feeling the warm, summers-night breeze wrap me up in contentment.

So. Reality check: I have to go to a meeting on the other side of campus ...I am a college student, however discontent that statement makes me. Now, that can mean many different things. In this case, it means: I didn't bring a raincoat. Heaven knows I've never used an umbrella in my life (I don't like looking like a tree with a canopy over it). I can't make a mad dash through the rain due to the cinder block occupying my right leg. So. I put on a sweatshirt, pulled the hood up, and walked through the rain, contrasting these two experiences--one on the coast of the Pacific, one on the brinks of Chicago.

Luckily, I dearly love rain, so it wasn't a "doom and gloom" thought train at all, but rather I was dwelling on the fact that the Lord has blessed me with the ability to walk again, and through the rain, and at a steady pace, and I haven't fallen yet, and the rain is cool and the air is hot, and (my favorite) since everyone else apparently hates being out in the rain, I was alone walking through campus. Blessed aloneness. I was able to walk through hazy streets, see the puddles on the sidewalks, watch the rain fall off the color-changing leaves and find a new home in the grass. All in blessed, blessed, quiet, still aloneness. Praise the Lord.

Lastly, I thought I'd share with you all what I've been meditating on. First: the book of Zephaniah. If you haven't read it recently due to it's being a prophet and "not relatable" to life these days, go read it with an open mind and a humbly listening heart. If I could go back and change one thing about my relationship with Christ in the past, it would be all the times I read the Bible haughtily, thinking I knew which books could speak to me and how they could speak to me, drawing from my factual knowledge of the Bible and its contents rather than my relationship with the One who created it. Second: I was reading a short story by George Saunders yesterday called "The Semplica Girl Diaries". Nearing the end of the story, the narrator attends a funeral, at which he poses, to himself, the question: "Why were we put here, so inclined to love, when the end of our story = death? That harsh. That cruel. Do not like."

I thought on this for a long while. If there is no marriage in heaven then there are thus no families, in the literal, immediate sense of the word. So why, then, are we called to love anyone other than God alone? Why should we love our families or neighbors--why can we not simply be good to them out of obedience to Christ? Adam needed a helper, yes, but why must there be love involved in the relationship? Is it perhaps because God is love, and we, made in His image, mirror it without choice? Perhaps, then, the greatest apologetics argument is love. Why were we put here, so inclined to love, unless death is not the end of our story?

If any of you have any thoughts on the above pondering, I'd love to hear them if you'd like to - you can email me here or comment below. I have come to no firm resolution. I know only this:

"I am His and He is mine in a love which cannot cease, I am His, and He is mine."

Random fact of the post:

A squirrel ran by me quite furiously the other day, across the sidewalk in front of me, into the lawn beside me. He had an acorn in his mouth. He looked at me and froze, as if to say "I see you there- don't think you can move without my seeing you", and proceeded to shove his acorn-filled head into the ground with such ferocity that I was a bit taken aback. I went all the way up to him before he noticed me, at which time he jumped into the air, dropping the nut, and bolted into the trees. I suppose the Lord gives me encounters with crazy (not "cool" crazy--just plain crazy) animals because he knows I can relate.

My leg has improved slightly with physical therapy, praise Jesus.

Love and appreciation to you all! Lord bless and keep you!

Anna Click Here to Read More..

College Impressions

Greetings, Loved Ones!

I have attended Wheaton College for two weeks now, and wanted to share some first impressions with you.

Community living is the same as it was when I did it for the first time at 15. Everyone is young, loud, and rarely takes out the trash.

The food is stunningly better than I expected, even from the top ranked college cafeteria in the States. Yesterday there was freshly caught salmon...for lunch.

Almost all the first year students dress up for class. They wake up roughly two hours before their class and shower, put on the perfect outfit, do their makeup. They look so good. All of them. I wake up 20 minutes before I have to leave. 10 of those are spent adjusting my eyes to the light of the windows...My earliest classes start at 11:15 a.m.

The cobblestones. They look good. They feel terrible on an ankle in rehab.

No one remembers your name except those people who you forget the names of. (Cringe.)

My roommate is a 5'1" flute major and couldn't be a more fantastic fit with me. She turned to me during the first few days of living here and said "What are all these people doing? Ugh. I did NOT come here for the social interactions."

It's hard. Contentment is hard. My heart is hurting, my body wants to be traveling, my mouth wants to be speaking of Jesus to the people who have never heard His name.

There are cliques. Last week I went up to the football-team table and took the Sriracha sauce they had taken from the buffet line with a "Can I borrow this? Thanks." They all looked at me as if I had four heads. But, know this: my friend's rice was not dry that day.

Random fact of the post:

My dorm room faces west, so we get to watch stunning sunsets. Yesterday, due to large amounts of smoke, the sun went blood red, and promptly disappeared behind a hazy gray sky while still high above the horizon. Breathtaking.

Leg update: my leg has digressed quite a bit. I've had to take up the moonboot again, as I have to walk over a mile and some each day for all my classes, and cannot do that over cobblestones while only wearing a lace up ankle brace. My pain has at least tripled, but if I stop walking on it, my tolerance will digress further, and I'll be back to square 1. So- pray! I can't see a practical outcome here, so I'm trusting Jesus to take up the fight for me.

Thank you all for praying, as always! You are dear to me in an irreplaceable way.

Lord bless.
Anna Click Here to Read More..

From the Hospital to the Windy City!

Greetings, Loved Ones!

So! It's been a month since my last post, almost to the day! I apologize for being so absent- I promise I'll get better again! Suddenly, as I was home, my life turned from a series of frequent adventures which I was eager to share with you all into more of a roiling ocean of uncertainty and doubt.

My leg, upon return to the U.S., was thought to be infected. To figure out whether that was the case, I was subject to several different medications, multiple scans, and a series of tests that were quite involved and took over four weeks to fully complete. I was told that I would most likely have to postpone attending university in Chicago, Illinois if the tests came up positive, as I would have to undergo multiple surgeries and washouts.

Praise be to the Lord, the tests all came up negative, and they showed no signs of infection or need for further investigation. (Thank you Jesus!) So, what this means: my life has taken yet another turn, and in a week, I will be completely submerging myself in "college" culture. I'll be right next to the world class city of Chicago, which I plan to explore and adventure in to the maximum, while at the same time having an experience that is known to be unique and irreplaceable. Apparently, from what those wiser than I have said, college lends insight to a certain aspect of life that simply nothing else can.

I am all of a sudden looking at my life from a wholly different perspective; I am wholeheartedly committed to living the life that Jesus wants for me, but am constantly confronted by the fact that I have absolutely no idea where my life is going. I'm continually told not to worry about it, because "I'm young" and "I have time to figure it out", but that is purely and simply not enough for me. If I am able to get myself to a point of "not worrying about it", it will certainly not be due to my age. Who knows how long I have to figure it out? As C. S. Lewis states in his Screwtape Letters: "The man can neither make, nor retain, one moment of time; it all comes to him by pure gift; he might as well regard the sun and moon as as his chattels."

I honestly don't know where my life Is going, or even where Christ will take me in the next couple of years, but I am determined to live my life serving the Lord, no matter when or how or where it takes me. I hope to continue posting about how I go about fulfilling that commitment whilst at college. After that - who knows? No matter what, I hope to include you all on the journey, as I so dearly love and respect you all, and am so grateful towards each one of you for all the support you have lavished me and my family with.

Thank you, as always, and God bless!

Random fact of the post:

I was at the hospital the other day, and while I was limping towards the X-ray wing, a nurse came up behind me and said "Oh wow, you're so tall! Do you play basketball?" And let me just tell you: in that moment, with my boot on my leg, looking down at this smiling nurse, I couldn't help but laugh at my life. I smiled, and said "Used to, but anymore I am too busy jumping out of trees and such. I like to keep things interesting like that." Thank you all again for praying me through this time. 

As always, if you'd ever like to get into contact with me, my email address is annawinters5056@gmail.com. God bless. Click Here to Read More..

Miles To Go Before I Sleep...

Greetings, Loved Ones!

So. I am back in Pennsylvania, in the good old U. S. of A. I made it- I traversed skies, continents, and oceans, all alone, on crutches, and I made it safe and sound back to my family and my community (which are one in the same, in many ways!). I've been on EST for just over 2 weeks and am FINALLY getting settled in a regulated sleeping pattern.

The question that should be posed: have I retained the growth that I experienced whilst being overseas, or have I slipped back into ordinary, bland, lukewarm lifestyles?

The answer: I don't think it's for me to say. It's not for me to tell everyone how much I've changed. Of course, for my part, I can identify a stark difference in my own life; the enthusiasm and endurance that I now follow Christ with is a sharp contrast to the circumstantial, moody love I had for Him and His plans only a couple of years ago. In Matthew 7:16 it says that we will know trees by their fruit, and so, if you truly desire to know what I am like these days, let me know! We'll get together!

If you're wondering at all what it's like for me to be back, I will be honest: it's not always easy. I am used to working and learning all day every day, with some of my closest friends only a few doors away, being able to go out into the Australian sun and sing praises to the Lord for all He's done for His children. Granted, I can still do that last part here- but suddenly, I'm not working, I've left several people on the other side of the world who I miss very dearly, I have physical therapy several times a week, and I am preparing to attend Wheaton College this Autumn. I am where the Lord has called me to be. I know this to be true. However, I'm starting to wonder if the "comfortable call" isn't harder for me than the "uncomfortable call." When I was wheeling around, in pain, working 8-5 in Australia, I was going through so much inwardly and outwardly that I had absolutely no doubt (or time to doubt!) that I was being refined at a gloriously rapid pace. Now that I am back, I feel the Lord may be stalling me a bit, calling me to be patient in a life where not much is happening to me. I am still growing ever closer to Him, if only through daily life, but I cannot feel the refining being done anymore. Ah, well. I suppose this is just a new angle with which to look upon my life, ultimately resulting in, as always, the need to depend on Christ.

Well, friends, I'm glad to be back amongst you. The Lord has been so good to me over the past 6 months and continues to be good as I readjust to my life back here in America. Thank you deeply for your prayers. Many of you- MANY- have come up to me and told me that you have been praying for me, even if I didn't know you before I left. That encourages me more than my words can express. Your prayers had a mammoth impact, let me just tell you. Thank you again, and God bless!

Random Fact of the Post:

I think that I will keep this blog up and running. I feel that, especially as I begin college (and whatever else my life entails in the next season), the Lord will continue to have me live a life that defies the norm of even what I expected for myself, and through that, bless me with interestingly unusual experiences that make His love for us evident and undeniable. I would love to continue to have a medium to share those happenings with you all! I also plan to live a life full of travel, so perhaps it would be beneficial to have a blog where I can track both my journeys- my journey across the face of the earth, and my journey from this world into the house and arms of my Father.

Thank you all, from the bottom of my heart.

Anna

"The woods are lovely, dark, and deep, but I have promises to keep, and miles to go before I sleep, and miles to go before I sleep." -Robert Frost, Stopping by Woods on a Snowy Evening. Click Here to Read More..

I'll Be Back!

Greetings, Loved Ones!

This will probably be my last post before I am back in the USA! Our graduation ceremony was last night! We officially completed our Discipleship Training School on Friday morning, and I lift off Australian ground Saturday night.

These past couple of weeks have been pure insanity- my team returned from Papua and we're all in the throes of debrief and saying goodbye. It's been hard for me- hearing the stories, seeing friends I've been apart from for 6 weeks... Even small things, like having to stay back from late night food outings because my wheelchair would be too much of a hassle. That's all alright, though- the Lord has kept my spirits sheltered under His wings and so I cling to the joy of the morning that I know is coming! Dawn will soon break on my leg situation- my cast should be off in the next week (if I can't get out of it here, the U.S. will take care of me!) and then, after lots of physical therapy, I should soon be walking!

Even through all the hardship I've experienced here, my heart is heavy as I contemplate leaving. The relationships I've built here truly will last a lifetime- it will be hard to say goodbye, but I will see them again. The memories are plentiful and priceless.

I suppose I should list just a few of my final impressions of this country as I head off. First, though, I should say- there's not a doubt in my mind that I'll be back here soon.

I've become used to the driving on the left side of the road. I look the right way at the right time and have grown used to the driver being on the right side of the car. My family and friends will have to watch me my first few months back in the States when I cross the street.

Raw coconut is delectable.

Winter in Australia is very sneaky: the fact that the temp goes down does NOT mean someone who is as fair skinned as me can be safe in the sun. I was just burnt to a crisp a week and a half ago.

Well, that's all for now- I'm going to be in a whirlwind once I get home, conquering jet lag (its 10x worse going to the Northern Hemisphere than the Southern), getting my leg working again, preparing for what's next in my life. I hope to see all of you soon- I would love to meet with as many of you one-on-one as I can! My love language is quality time, so if you would like to see me, don't hesitate to send me an email and get a hold of me!

Random fact of the post:

A little while ago, I was rolling around the city in the evening, getting some fresh air. My friend and I decided to stop and sit on a patch of grass and shortly noticed we weren't the only ones there- a possum (not an opossum- they're different!) came right up to us and started nibbling my toes. I reached out and pet it- they're so soft. I've had multiple interactions with possums whilst living in this country- I've not regretted a single one.

Bless you all, and I can't thank you enough for all of your support.

Anna Click Here to Read More..