Acceptance with Joy!

Greetings, Loved Ones!

Two days ago, I met a four-week-old Swedish Mountain Dog named Cheddar. He was the softest little pooch you could imagine. He also jumped up on my knees and licked my face.

Three days ago, I made creme brûlée for an event I was putting on with the rest of my small event leadership team. I put the ramekins in the oven and proceeded to forget about them entirely. (How could you forget creme brûlée, you ask? Because I'm impulsive and I was cuddled up in a blanket, eating tomatoes and sprouts and watching Man Vs. Wild, that's why). Several tomatoes later, I remembered the brûlées and I rushed back downstairs and ripped them out of the oven an HOUR late and, voila, they were perfectly done.

Yesterday, I was walking alone to go pick up some groceries from a local market when a man caught my attention and complimented my smile, saying it "made his day." (Cheesy, I know, but it did brighten the moment.)

Today, I was listening to my excited friend talk about her preparations to go on a mission trip to three different exotic countries. I was reminded that I was never able to go on the Papua New Guinea missions trip I had planned on for so long. I looked down at my leg and let myself feel the dull ache that always arises after consistently using it for several hours. I began to feel the remnants of having slept terribly last night--my rest had been riddled with maintenance insomnia and nightmares. I went downstairs to pick up my laundry from the dryer and found a hole in a new dress I loved. Later, I scratched my hand up while cooking dinner for the students at the base. I never drink enough water, but the weather is becoming hotter now, and by the early evening I had developed a sore throat. My temper was short by the end of the day. When the unreliable, irresponsible gene that most people contain somewhere in their veins was displayed by some of my housemates, I became just generally bad-emotioned. That's the best way I can describe it. Disdain, impatience, a desire to shame others into acting in regulation with the code I conduct myself by, an annoyance with myself and an unhappiness with my current life all bubbled to the surface.

HOWEVER. I have recently come to realize the ultimate importance of cultivating a heart of gratitude. It is silly indeed to heap the blessings of the past on the alter of my unfortunate "today." It is even sillier to lose any measure of hope and enthusiasm for tomorrow based off of my unfortunate "today." I believe the Lord desires to see his children grateful for the gifts He gives them. I am reminded of a scene in the book "Hinds Feet on High Places" where "Much Afraid," the helpless protagonist of the book, is told she will have to take a lengthy and grueling detour away from her destination of the "High Places." After sobbing at the feet of the "Good Shepherd," she looks to the crags of the mountainside and sees a small yellow flower, smiling and raising its petals to the heavens. The flower speaks up and says to the Shepherd, "Behold me, here I am; Thy little handmaiden Acceptance-with-Joy, and all that is in my heart is Thine."

What a powerful message to be taught from a talking wildflower.

Life can be annoying sometimes. It can often be even downright discouraging. But to learn the art of accepting life with joy-- taking the highs with gratitude and the lows with grace-- this is what we should be striving for.

I just wanted to pop in and share this message with all of you. Many blessings, and thank you for praying for me as I know you do! Contact me if you'd like to know more details about my life here, or if you're interested in donating to my mission or hearing my prayer requests! My email address is located here and my address is 602 Langdon Street, Madison, WI, 53703. Thank you for your time!

Love,

Anna Click Here to Read More..

Good Friday Meditations

Greetings, Loved Ones!

I am sorry for not writing in so long. The reason behind my absence is simply that I have not had anything particularly exciting to write on! I am working in missions again, on staff at a campus ministry, studying psychology online and trying to remain sane. There's not much else to write on, but if you want the nitty gritty or truly want to hear my inner trials and joys, email me here!

In the mean time, I was reflecting on the harsh, brutal love of God the Father today. Today is Good Friday and, for some reason, I went about my day with a subconsciously melancholy attitude in my heart. My family would call it "feeling blooby"--a word I came up with when I was 7 years old--a mixture of "blue" and "moody." At any rate, as I spent time with the Trinity today, a deep sense of sorrow emerged from my subconscious and smacked me in the face.

When someone you love dies--though the pain may ease with time--the anniversary of their death will never fail to bring back a piece (however small) of the harrowing, deeply-cutting emotion you felt at their initial death. You could attribute it to simple emotional memory- remembering a traumatic event can often bring to the surface the feelings you felt during it. Considering this, here is something I want to point out: the fact that Jesus rose from the dead makes His death no less significant--no less painful for those who love Him. I feel that, often, due to us having the hindsight knowledge of the Resurrection, we forget how real Jesus' death truly was. Just because He regained life three days after dying does not mean the sorrow and horror of His death are swept away and forgotten--nor should they be. To forget the misery and reality of Jesus' sacrifice in order to revel in the glory of the Resurrection would be to belittle the sacrifice itself.

There used to be a certain throw blanket in my parent's house that had a beautiful painting printed on the front. The image was Calvary, with Jesus' cross standing front and center, surrounded by wildflowers and highlighted by the rays of a stunningly colorful sunset. I remember saying to my dad one night when I was young "I like this blanket!" He grunted and continued his business. I asked why he didn't like it (I had deduced his disdain from his noise of disapproval). He responded with "the Cross was a horrible thing. It was sad, brutal, and ugly. I don't like that it's been twisted and turned into a romanticized icon of peace and happiness and beauty."

That made an impact on my young heart. The crucifixion is not what we should rejoice about. The victory Christ won over sin and death is what we should rejoice about. Good Friday was the saddest day of all for many who knew Jesus. The sadness (and the cause of the sadness) of that day should not be forgotten due to the Resurrection later on. This may seem controversial to some of you- why would we remain sorrowful when we know Jesus has risen from the dead and lives in Heaven? Because, my friends. He made a sacrifice. Take time to remember the weight He felt before making it, the sorrow God felt in giving up His Son, the agony Christ felt when the Father turned His face away so as not to look upon the disgusting burden of our sin that Jesus chose to carry. That was a sad day. I feel that, to properly thank Him for sacrificing Himself, I need to take time to meditate on how horrifying and meaningful a sacrifice it was. Otherwise, I barely realize what I'm thanking Him for.

These are some thoughts from my devotions the last couple of days. I will write again soon. Thanks so much for taking the time to read, and thank you for your prayers and support!

May God bless you this Easter!

Much Love,

Anna Click Here to Read More..

First Impressions and Updates - Wisconsin

Greetings, Loved Ones!

I've lived in Madison for three and some weeks now, and I thought I'd share my first impressions, as I always do when I move to a new place!

First, living in the middle of downtown is simply inspiring. I can walk everywhere in 10 minutes or less.

Second, everyone is loud all night, until roughly 8 am. Last night, around 3 am, a fight broke out beneath my window between two highly intoxicated college males. While their vocabulary was colorful, somehow it only managed to emphasize their lack of intelligent conversation.

Third, the weather here is quite bipolar. It will be negative 20 F one day, and 40 F the next. Positively bizarre. On that same note, it's not just normal cold here- it's wet cold. The house I live in is closed in by two lakes on opposing sides of downtown- Mendota and Monona. This causes it to be humid cold, not dry cold. Basically, it feels like you're swimming through ice. Like that squirrel from Ice Age. I have newfound empathy for that fellow.

Fourth, everyone who inhabits downtown is either homeless or a college student. Let me rephrase that: everyone here is homeless. Or so it seems, as all I see throughout the night are wandering twenty-somethings asking for alcohol or cigarettes. But here's the bright side: this town caters to that, which means we have establishments like "Insomnia Cookie", which is a restaurant that delivers fresh baked cookies to your location until 3 am every night. Basically, my dream support system.

In other news, I'll tell you what I've been up to here: I am now co-leading a small group, open to the students of UW-Madison, I've started a "Communications" area for the PHOS house to improve publicity and public relations with the campus (as this is campus ministry and so far it seems we have next to no way of efficiently contacting the students), I cook for the base one night a week, and I clean the house once a week with a team of three other humans. I've also taken on planning some of the community meals for the students living in our house and I was just asked today to design a banner for the front of our building to promote our leasing/seeking boarders status. So that's what I've been up to while on staff here. I'm also doing online schooling, taking several courses in Psychology and the like.

I am so happy here. I respect Wheaton and the people there (even more now that I know some of the students were secretly raising chickens in Armerding), but my heart is so much more content here. The Lord has been so good to me. I will continue to follow Him through thick and thin, but right now, it seems my life is quite easy to live. I am happy, I love where I am, I am hopeful for the future, and I am all around pleased with current events. Thank you, Lord- I refuse to accept your blessings without acknowledging them.

Lastly, I have an appeal to you all. My human, Aaron Fischer, is here on a religious volunteering and tourism visa. This means he cannot legally work or study under any accredited organization. What I'm trying to tell you is that he is living off of support as a full time missionary. Here's the thing: he's a man who has to eat and pay rent on top of getting around from place to place via public transportation. It's amazing how these things add up after a time. He needs support. If you'd like to donate anything to his mission, his blog is aaronmichaelfischer.blogspot.com. He has his prayer requests there, as well as a button to donate if you feel so led. Thank you so much my friends. I so appreciate every one of you! I pray the Lord blesses each of you today with unexpected, delightful blessings. Just don't forget to acknowledge them! : )

With Love,
Anna Click Here to Read More..

Goodbye Wheaton, Hello YWAM Madison!

Greetings, Loved Ones!

So. The decision has been made. I am leaving Wheaton College. The reasons behind this choice are plentiful, so I'll spare you the details. It's a wonderful place for some people. I am simply not one of those "some."

I'll satisfy your curiosities right now: I'm moving to the breathtaking, awe-inspiring world of cheese. That's right- I'm moving to Wisconsin. I'm transferring to do online schooling while working as a part-time volunteer with YWAM in Madison. To be honest, I don't know exactly what my life will look like in the upcoming months and years. I'm laying down my plans at the throne of God and accepting wholeheartedly the fact that, even if I wanted to, I cannot lean on my own understanding. This is simply because I have no understanding. No understanding of why my life has gone the way it has this past year, no understanding of where the Lord is taking my life in the upcoming seasons.

Now that you're updated, I'll tell you how Christmas went. Most of you know that, this Christmas, I brought home my significant other, Aaron. I wanted to submerge him fully in the wonders of the Winters family.

He helped decorate the tree, baked Christmas cookies, watched our favorite Christmas movies (including White Christmas - YES!), played board games, joined in family banter, sat at the kitchen table with dad and discussed their mutual love for Jesus and especially their favorite book of Isaiah, and bonded with Joe on multiple levels where at one moment Joe said "I love you man, welcome to the family." Basically, it went well.

We never did go to Outback Steakhouse, though.

This week I have been amazed by the faith in the diseased woman in Mark 5. She was so confident Jesus' power would heal her that all she resolved to do was touch His clothes, even without His knowing. She did and was immediately healed. Jesus didn't say "I am willing" as He did to the leper in Matthew 8. He didn't even acknowledge the woman until after she had been healed through His power. This woman was confident that her fingers brushing a piece of cloth worn by Jesus would far surpass the effectiveness of every professional she had seen throughout her life combined. And it was. The Lord is so unbelievably holy, pure, and powerful that merely making contact with Him can heal you of truly anything. This is what I'm convicted of: I have contact with Jesus. So why should I not have the same confidence in His healing as this woman who bled chronically?

PS: don't be the disciples from this chapter who turned around and said "Jesus, the crowd is all around you, how can you ask who touched you?" Just...don't question Jesus. That's what I've learned. As soon as you hear yourself saying "Jesus, what do you think you're doing?" just stop and ask yourself the same question.

Thank you as always for all of your prayers. My leg has been holding up with no returning signs of infection! Praise the Lord! Much love to you all! I have a list of those who have supported me either financially or who have vocalized their prayers for me and I go over that list in my mind every time I write this part of my blog post. You are all truly dear to my heart. God bless! Click Here to Read More..

A Please-Read-Revelation!

My Loved Ones.

I simply must share something that I have just been confronted on by the Lord.

In early March of this year, as I was camping in the Australian bush, I had a conversation with the King of the universe. First, I told Him clearly that I had no idea how to pray "correctly," and I told Him that, as I believed He is omniscient, I believed Him to know my heart and prayer even though I didn't know how to get my desires to Him in "the right way," if there even is a "right way" to pray. Then, I asked the Lord to refine me. I told Him to be real about it; I wasn't up for slow, minuscule refinement over the course of 10-20 years. I asked Him to put me in a difficult situation that only He could get me through in one piece.

I came back from that trip and met Aaron, the man I'm currently dating, three days later. I'll save you the details and tell you that the Lord humbled me so entirely during those initial two weeks of getting to know that man that I barely knew who I was at the end of it. The Lord (bless You, Father, for this), showed His love for me in creating a kind and patient man out of Aaron prior to our meeting so that, as I was humbled and reconstructed from the ground up, I was able to do it alongside a firm, stable, uplifting friend. ...But GRACIOUS, was it difficult.

A few weeks after that, my most beloved possession on the face of the planet was hit by a car--this being my precious Kiwi, the kitten I was given for Christmas of '08 and who had cuddled me through all the hardships any typical young girl could undergo in life.

Fast forward a few more weeks and cue the slow-mo image of my hair floating upwards in an anti-gravity state as I flew through the air, having leapt from a hard, smooth tree branch, headed towards hard, rough gravel.

Since then... Well, most of you know.

Here is what I've been confronted on:

I asked for this. I sincerely asked to be put through the hardest refinement possible in order to become purer, faster. (Hello to my never ending impatience, shining through the story yet again.) And another thing: I do not regret asking in the least. The Lord has rendered my heart to an entirely new state than it was in just a year ago, and that is exactly what I desired and still desire most of all.

Here is what I have been dwelling on: the Lord has been UNFATHOMABLY good to me this past year. I say without hesitation that it has been the hardest and best year of my life. I am overcome by a desire to sing praises to Him at the top of my lungs-- but sadly it's here in Fischer Hall, and there's something called "quiet hours" from 11-9 each night. (I don't think I will ever understand that concept of "quiet hours." How about you, mom?)

Honestly, I am inexplicably excited about this concept. The Lord gave me the deepest desire of my heart, and here I was, sitting alone, sometimes even hoping for early relief or super speed fixes or miraculous healing from it, frustrated by my own confusion over what was happening to me. What in the world! Anna! Look at what's happened to you! The Lord has changed your life for the better! I remember saying just the other day that all I wanted was for my body to become reliable and trustworthy again-- WHAT! No. My body is the Lord's temple, He can do with it what He pleases. He alone will sustain me and my body both. Now, I can feel in my heart even now the twinge of fear that in giving up my body, I may encounter more serious medical problems. That would be hard. My heart is screaming to go overseas and work in missions with people who are crying out for Something more in their lives. I understand that if my body cannot handle it, the Lord may have something else in mind for me, and that terrifies me. But here's the thing: I am so out-of-this-world excited (literally) to meet God after this life is over--"when change and tears are past"-- that I want to be able to see His face and know that I followed Him into the life He had for me even if it wasn't what I thought I wanted. I want to receive the coveted "Well done, My good and faithful servant." I want to follow Him in this life so that I can follow Him into the next with an easy heart. If you start following Him now, it'll be routine by the time we're ready to pass on. I'm so excited about Jesus. How good a God you are, Lord. Thank you.

Also thank you to all you who have prayed me through these most recent developments! My PICC line is now removed and we hope everything is back to normal! I will be flying back to PA with Aaron on the 17th of December and look forward to seeing many of you over the weeks following. I harbor much love and thankfulness for you all! God bless you, truly. Click Here to Read More..

Loving Jesus When Life Goes South

Greetings, Loved Ones.

I wanted to wait to write this until my emotions were slightly more stable; I've been spontaneously bursting into tears over the past 10 days! During that time, I acquired many stories. Some gruesome, some funny, some hopeful, and some just plain old sad.

First: I got a culture taken from an abscess on my leg. Two days later I was admitted to the hospital for possible whooping cough along with a possibly infectious disease in my ankle.

The first night in the hospital, they put me on IV antibiotics. I woke up delusional at 2 AM scratching at my scalp, arms, chest, and neck, realizing minutes later as I woke up more fully that every time I scratched my skin it started to burn. I pressed the nurse button and called my mom, frantically asking if I was allergic to any medicines, fumbling to pull the IV tubes out of my arm. As the pain got worse, my poor mother had to endure listening to me sob into the help button radio, "Someone please help me, all of my skin is burning, help me!" until someone finally came to help. Turns out they had been pumping a certain medicine into me at much too fast a rate for my "sensitive system" to handle. So that was night one.

Then the nurses came in and told me they'd have to insert a PICC line into me, which is basically a thicker, longer IV tube. I must say: this hurt. Again, my "sensitive system" came into play. I tried not to watch too intently as they repeatedly pushed and pulled the tubing in and out of my upper arm, but seeing the nurse's gloved fingers coming up covered in blood didn't help.

My mother arrived promptly the next day and my morale was boosted. Later, a doctor came into my room and told us that I was going to need to have the hardware that was put into my leg in Australia removed entirely, as he believed that was what was causing the infection. This was difficult news as I was just three physical therapy visits away from being completely back to normal with my ankle - THREE VISITS! The end was so close and now I had to start all over again.

Aaron (that Aussie man I'm dating whom I told you about in my last post) arrived the following day from Wisconsin - his arrival also lifted my spirits. He and my mother met for the first time that morning in the hospital lobby, neither of them expecting to see each other there but both recognizing each other from pictures.

I received surgery the next day (day 3) which was grand until I woke up from the anesthesia. They were keeping a mask over my mouth due to the suspected whooping cough, so I felt like I couldn't breathe. I began to hyperventilate and in my sluggish mind I thought I was suffocating. The nursing staff retrieved Aaron from the waiting room in hopes he could calm me down. He came in and prayed over me and I called out "Jesus, help me!" before immediately falling back into a deep sleep. (Cool, eh?)

Two days later they discharged me with a no weight bearing order for my leg and I was sent back to my dorm at Wheaton College, to a new room on the first floor that was wheelchair accessible. In much pain and on many meds, I nearly vomited all over my dorm's lawn on my first day trying to get around.

Just today I received word about a couple things: first, my bone is infected, meaning I have osteomyelitis. While this is a very serious infection, my 6 week course of IV antibiotics should eradicate it (but please pray that it will!). Second, I'm being transferred to at-home care, meaning a nurse will come to my college and teach me how to administer my own doses of medication through my PICC line, making it possible for me to be detached from the CADD pump, which was greatly restricting my daily routine and causing me large amounts of discomfort and pain.

Conclusion: I have been battling feeling alone and overwhelmed, even though I know I have so many supporting me (thank you!!!).

Please continue to pray for me and my family as we battle through this struggle- I was so sure it was over, so sure the Lord was bringing me to the end of the tunnel, and suddenly I seem to be going through it all over again. My heart hurts sometimes with the feeling of helplessness. The Lord is making Himself known to me in this time just as He did in Australia, but somehow now He is not only testing my endurance but my willingness to go on. I know the Lord has me here at college for a reason and I am determined to stay to serve that purpose. There is a line in a hymn that I have been singing to myself frequently that says "I will cling to that old rugged Cross and exchange it some day for a crown." So many hymns have spoken to me over these past days, but for those of you struggling with loneliness or helplessness, I encourage you to listen to "Be Still My Soul", "It Is Well With My Soul", and "I Come to the Garden." Truly, the Lord dwells with you and I. Just like last time, please don't pray my struggle would get easier. Pray for me that the Lord would put me through whatever necessary to refine me into the woman needed to fulfill the plan He has for my life-- I believe that plan is spectacular, and I have asked many a time for God to not let me be unprepared for it. If this is what it takes, I will cling to that old rugged Cross, and one day, I surely will exchange it for a crown. Jesus is always good, always loving, always kind. I will love Him before myself and He will sustain me when, literally, I can no longer walk.

Thank you all, as always, for your prayers in this time- truly they have been so encouraging. The Lord bless and keep you all!!

Love, Anna Click Here to Read More..

The Man I'm Dating and Other News

Greetings, Loved Ones!

First things first: at a local church this morning, I was struck with a realization. God's children are beautiful. The man in the over sized hoodie and worn down jeans, raising his hands. The woman with perfect makeup not quite hiding that she hasn't slept right in a week, sighing in relief of exhaustion as she sings. The child with doughnut crumbs and frosting on her face, army-crawling down the center aisle while her mom trips over her heels trying to grab her before she evades her. The teenager biting her nails in the second row, trying to not be obvious that she's uncomfortable in the middle of such loud people. We've all got our quirks, but we were all there, moderately clean and somewhat personable. I can't say we were all there out of genuine desire as opposed to obligation or out of a true yearning for a meeting with the Lord as opposed to a perceived betterment of social standing amongst religious peers, but one thing I can say is this: God met us regardless, and it was wonderful.

I wish I had been more focused the entire service - I was not focused, not when I went in. It's a constant struggle to not always think about my schedule, how straight my sweater is, whether I'm singing on pitch, oh darn it I forgot my Bible and people are going to think I'm a heathen, my foot hurts in this shoe and when will I get to eat next. But my heart and mind got there eventually. And when two or more are gathered in His name, there He shall be also. We were together, bonding with one another over a mutual desire to recognize the goodness, faithfulness, and WORTHINESS of our God to be praised. We were children, lifting our hands and voices, our hearts attuned to the heart of the Lord, desiring to let it be known how much we adore our Father. How great is that? Beautiful.

Second: I am dating someone and here's the 411: His name is Aaron Fischer, he is a 23 year old native Australian whom I met in the second half of my Discipleship Training School whilst in Australia myself. He, too, was doing the training course, but began it in October, and thus finished months prior to my graduation. I have mentioned him nonchalantly throughout my blog in the past: for instance, if you track back to when I posted about my fall, he is the "friend" who was with me in the tree. At any rate, we became great friends as he was one of two people I knew in Australia while stranded in the hospital, left behind from my team headed to Papua New Guinea. As I moved back to America, we decided to date. After 4 months of long distance, he has now made the same journey across the Pacific that I made in the summer (only I did it with one leg--heh, heh) and moved to Madison, Wisconsin to be a missionary with YWAM, Madison. He has come through divine intervention, if you'll take my word for it. I was with him in the process of his finding his way here: it could never have come together without the Lord's hand. I'd love to tell y'all the story some time. He has started a blog to keep his own supporters updated (of which he could honestly use more, as any unpaid missionary could), so if you'd like to check it out, click here for the link to his blog. He is just beginning to add articles, so please check back for news on his developing ministry there right on the campus of the University of Wisconsin. His first article is actually about his first impressions of America and let me tell you: it's hysterical to hear an Australian's first impressions of America.

Random fact of the post:

He visited me for a few days when he arrived in the States for the first time. Some of my favorite quotes from the week:

"Oh, so that's a squirrel!"

"Wow. It's cold here."

(While trying to preheat the oven): "What do these temperatures mean?! Help me, I'm so confused."

"Everyone is so American."

"Everything has frosting on it."

"You have drive through ATM's? Seriously? I've heard about those but I thought they were a joke."

Alright dear ones. Thank you as always for reading and for your prayers! My leg has healed up quite well! Praise the Lord! I now walk without assistance and minimal limping! However, in the past couple of days I believe I have slipped a disc in my scoliosis-ridden back. In addition, I have developed the worst cough of my life. Going to the health center tomorrow to see what's wrong because whooping cough has apparently been quarantined on our campus and I have the symptoms. Obviously the coughing kills my back. Bummer. But God is good! He will fix me. There is power in faithful prayer, though, so please, do pray! Thank you as always. Love, Anna Click Here to Read More..