First Impressions and Updates - Wisconsin

Greetings, Loved Ones!

I've lived in Madison for three and some weeks now, and I thought I'd share my first impressions, as I always do when I move to a new place!

First, living in the middle of downtown is simply inspiring. I can walk everywhere in 10 minutes or less.

Second, everyone is loud all night, until roughly 8 am. Last night, around 3 am, a fight broke out beneath my window between two highly intoxicated college males. While their vocabulary was colorful, somehow it only managed to emphasize their lack of intelligent conversation.

Third, the weather here is quite bipolar. It will be negative 20 F one day, and 40 F the next. Positively bizarre. On that same note, it's not just normal cold here- it's wet cold. The house I live in is closed in by two lakes on opposing sides of downtown- Mendota and Monona. This causes it to be humid cold, not dry cold. Basically, it feels like you're swimming through ice. Like that squirrel from Ice Age. I have newfound empathy for that fellow.

Fourth, everyone who inhabits downtown is either homeless or a college student. Let me rephrase that: everyone here is homeless. Or so it seems, as all I see throughout the night are wandering twenty-somethings asking for alcohol or cigarettes. But here's the bright side: this town caters to that, which means we have establishments like "Insomnia Cookie", which is a restaurant that delivers fresh baked cookies to your location until 3 am every night. Basically, my dream support system.

In other news, I'll tell you what I've been up to here: I am now co-leading a small group, open to the students of UW-Madison, I've started a "Communications" area for the PHOS house to improve publicity and public relations with the campus (as this is campus ministry and so far it seems we have next to no way of efficiently contacting the students), I cook for the base one night a week, and I clean the house once a week with a team of three other humans. I've also taken on planning some of the community meals for the students living in our house and I was just asked today to design a banner for the front of our building to promote our leasing/seeking boarders status. So that's what I've been up to while on staff here. I'm also doing online schooling, taking several courses in Psychology and the like.

I am so happy here. I respect Wheaton and the people there (even more now that I know some of the students were secretly raising chickens in Armerding), but my heart is so much more content here. The Lord has been so good to me. I will continue to follow Him through thick and thin, but right now, it seems my life is quite easy to live. I am happy, I love where I am, I am hopeful for the future, and I am all around pleased with current events. Thank you, Lord- I refuse to accept your blessings without acknowledging them.

Lastly, I have an appeal to you all. My human, Aaron Fischer, is here on a religious volunteering and tourism visa. This means he cannot legally work or study under any accredited organization. What I'm trying to tell you is that he is living off of support as a full time missionary. Here's the thing: he's a man who has to eat and pay rent on top of getting around from place to place via public transportation. It's amazing how these things add up after a time. He needs support. If you'd like to donate anything to his mission, his blog is aaronmichaelfischer.blogspot.com. He has his prayer requests there, as well as a button to donate if you feel so led. Thank you so much my friends. I so appreciate every one of you! I pray the Lord blesses each of you today with unexpected, delightful blessings. Just don't forget to acknowledge them! : )

With Love,
Anna Click Here to Read More..

Goodbye Wheaton, Hello YWAM Madison!

Greetings, Loved Ones!

So. The decision has been made. I am leaving Wheaton College. The reasons behind this choice are plentiful, so I'll spare you the details. It's a wonderful place for some people. I am simply not one of those "some."

I'll satisfy your curiosities right now: I'm moving to the breathtaking, awe-inspiring world of cheese. That's right- I'm moving to Wisconsin. I'm transferring to do online schooling while working as a part-time volunteer with YWAM in Madison. To be honest, I don't know exactly what my life will look like in the upcoming months and years. I'm laying down my plans at the throne of God and accepting wholeheartedly the fact that, even if I wanted to, I cannot lean on my own understanding. This is simply because I have no understanding. No understanding of why my life has gone the way it has this past year, no understanding of where the Lord is taking my life in the upcoming seasons.

Now that you're updated, I'll tell you how Christmas went. Most of you know that, this Christmas, I brought home my significant other, Aaron. I wanted to submerge him fully in the wonders of the Winters family.

He helped decorate the tree, baked Christmas cookies, watched our favorite Christmas movies (including White Christmas - YES!), played board games, joined in family banter, sat at the kitchen table with dad and discussed their mutual love for Jesus and especially their favorite book of Isaiah, and bonded with Joe on multiple levels where at one moment Joe said "I love you man, welcome to the family." Basically, it went well.

We never did go to Outback Steakhouse, though.

This week I have been amazed by the faith in the diseased woman in Mark 5. She was so confident Jesus' power would heal her that all she resolved to do was touch His clothes, even without His knowing. She did and was immediately healed. Jesus didn't say "I am willing" as He did to the leper in Matthew 8. He didn't even acknowledge the woman until after she had been healed through His power. This woman was confident that her fingers brushing a piece of cloth worn by Jesus would far surpass the effectiveness of every professional she had seen throughout her life combined. And it was. The Lord is so unbelievably holy, pure, and powerful that merely making contact with Him can heal you of truly anything. This is what I'm convicted of: I have contact with Jesus. So why should I not have the same confidence in His healing as this woman who bled chronically?

PS: don't be the disciples from this chapter who turned around and said "Jesus, the crowd is all around you, how can you ask who touched you?" Just...don't question Jesus. That's what I've learned. As soon as you hear yourself saying "Jesus, what do you think you're doing?" just stop and ask yourself the same question.

Thank you as always for all of your prayers. My leg has been holding up with no returning signs of infection! Praise the Lord! Much love to you all! I have a list of those who have supported me either financially or who have vocalized their prayers for me and I go over that list in my mind every time I write this part of my blog post. You are all truly dear to my heart. God bless! Click Here to Read More..

A Please-Read-Revelation!

My Loved Ones.

I simply must share something that I have just been confronted on by the Lord.

In early March of this year, as I was camping in the Australian bush, I had a conversation with the King of the universe. First, I told Him clearly that I had no idea how to pray "correctly," and I told Him that, as I believed He is omniscient, I believed Him to know my heart and prayer even though I didn't know how to get my desires to Him in "the right way," if there even is a "right way" to pray. Then, I asked the Lord to refine me. I told Him to be real about it; I wasn't up for slow, minuscule refinement over the course of 10-20 years. I asked Him to put me in a difficult situation that only He could get me through in one piece.

I came back from that trip and met Aaron, the man I'm currently dating, three days later. I'll save you the details and tell you that the Lord humbled me so entirely during those initial two weeks of getting to know that man that I barely knew who I was at the end of it. The Lord (bless You, Father, for this), showed His love for me in creating a kind and patient man out of Aaron prior to our meeting so that, as I was humbled and reconstructed from the ground up, I was able to do it alongside a firm, stable, uplifting friend. ...But GRACIOUS, was it difficult.

A few weeks after that, my most beloved possession on the face of the planet was hit by a car--this being my precious Kiwi, the kitten I was given for Christmas of '08 and who had cuddled me through all the hardships any typical young girl could undergo in life.

Fast forward a few more weeks and cue the slow-mo image of my hair floating upwards in an anti-gravity state as I flew through the air, having leapt from a hard, smooth tree branch, headed towards hard, rough gravel.

Since then... Well, most of you know.

Here is what I've been confronted on:

I asked for this. I sincerely asked to be put through the hardest refinement possible in order to become purer, faster. (Hello to my never ending impatience, shining through the story yet again.) And another thing: I do not regret asking in the least. The Lord has rendered my heart to an entirely new state than it was in just a year ago, and that is exactly what I desired and still desire most of all.

Here is what I have been dwelling on: the Lord has been UNFATHOMABLY good to me this past year. I say without hesitation that it has been the hardest and best year of my life. I am overcome by a desire to sing praises to Him at the top of my lungs-- but sadly it's here in Fischer Hall, and there's something called "quiet hours" from 11-9 each night. (I don't think I will ever understand that concept of "quiet hours." How about you, mom?)

Honestly, I am inexplicably excited about this concept. The Lord gave me the deepest desire of my heart, and here I was, sitting alone, sometimes even hoping for early relief or super speed fixes or miraculous healing from it, frustrated by my own confusion over what was happening to me. What in the world! Anna! Look at what's happened to you! The Lord has changed your life for the better! I remember saying just the other day that all I wanted was for my body to become reliable and trustworthy again-- WHAT! No. My body is the Lord's temple, He can do with it what He pleases. He alone will sustain me and my body both. Now, I can feel in my heart even now the twinge of fear that in giving up my body, I may encounter more serious medical problems. That would be hard. My heart is screaming to go overseas and work in missions with people who are crying out for Something more in their lives. I understand that if my body cannot handle it, the Lord may have something else in mind for me, and that terrifies me. But here's the thing: I am so out-of-this-world excited (literally) to meet God after this life is over--"when change and tears are past"-- that I want to be able to see His face and know that I followed Him into the life He had for me even if it wasn't what I thought I wanted. I want to receive the coveted "Well done, My good and faithful servant." I want to follow Him in this life so that I can follow Him into the next with an easy heart. If you start following Him now, it'll be routine by the time we're ready to pass on. I'm so excited about Jesus. How good a God you are, Lord. Thank you.

Also thank you to all you who have prayed me through these most recent developments! My PICC line is now removed and we hope everything is back to normal! I will be flying back to PA with Aaron on the 17th of December and look forward to seeing many of you over the weeks following. I harbor much love and thankfulness for you all! God bless you, truly. Click Here to Read More..

Loving Jesus When Life Goes South

Greetings, Loved Ones.

I wanted to wait to write this until my emotions were slightly more stable; I've been spontaneously bursting into tears over the past 10 days! During that time, I acquired many stories. Some gruesome, some funny, some hopeful, and some just plain old sad.

First: I got a culture taken from an abscess on my leg. Two days later I was admitted to the hospital for possible whooping cough along with a possibly infectious disease in my ankle.

The first night in the hospital, they put me on IV antibiotics. I woke up delusional at 2 AM scratching at my scalp, arms, chest, and neck, realizing minutes later as I woke up more fully that every time I scratched my skin it started to burn. I pressed the nurse button and called my mom, frantically asking if I was allergic to any medicines, fumbling to pull the IV tubes out of my arm. As the pain got worse, my poor mother had to endure listening to me sob into the help button radio, "Someone please help me, all of my skin is burning, help me!" until someone finally came to help. Turns out they had been pumping a certain medicine into me at much too fast a rate for my "sensitive system" to handle. So that was night one.

Then the nurses came in and told me they'd have to insert a PICC line into me, which is basically a thicker, longer IV tube. I must say: this hurt. Again, my "sensitive system" came into play. I tried not to watch too intently as they repeatedly pushed and pulled the tubing in and out of my upper arm, but seeing the nurse's gloved fingers coming up covered in blood didn't help.

My mother arrived promptly the next day and my morale was boosted. Later, a doctor came into my room and told us that I was going to need to have the hardware that was put into my leg in Australia removed entirely, as he believed that was what was causing the infection. This was difficult news as I was just three physical therapy visits away from being completely back to normal with my ankle - THREE VISITS! The end was so close and now I had to start all over again.

Aaron (that Aussie man I'm dating whom I told you about in my last post) arrived the following day from Wisconsin - his arrival also lifted my spirits. He and my mother met for the first time that morning in the hospital lobby, neither of them expecting to see each other there but both recognizing each other from pictures.

I received surgery the next day (day 3) which was grand until I woke up from the anesthesia. They were keeping a mask over my mouth due to the suspected whooping cough, so I felt like I couldn't breathe. I began to hyperventilate and in my sluggish mind I thought I was suffocating. The nursing staff retrieved Aaron from the waiting room in hopes he could calm me down. He came in and prayed over me and I called out "Jesus, help me!" before immediately falling back into a deep sleep. (Cool, eh?)

Two days later they discharged me with a no weight bearing order for my leg and I was sent back to my dorm at Wheaton College, to a new room on the first floor that was wheelchair accessible. In much pain and on many meds, I nearly vomited all over my dorm's lawn on my first day trying to get around.

Just today I received word about a couple things: first, my bone is infected, meaning I have osteomyelitis. While this is a very serious infection, my 6 week course of IV antibiotics should eradicate it (but please pray that it will!). Second, I'm being transferred to at-home care, meaning a nurse will come to my college and teach me how to administer my own doses of medication through my PICC line, making it possible for me to be detached from the CADD pump, which was greatly restricting my daily routine and causing me large amounts of discomfort and pain.

Conclusion: I have been battling feeling alone and overwhelmed, even though I know I have so many supporting me (thank you!!!).

Please continue to pray for me and my family as we battle through this struggle- I was so sure it was over, so sure the Lord was bringing me to the end of the tunnel, and suddenly I seem to be going through it all over again. My heart hurts sometimes with the feeling of helplessness. The Lord is making Himself known to me in this time just as He did in Australia, but somehow now He is not only testing my endurance but my willingness to go on. I know the Lord has me here at college for a reason and I am determined to stay to serve that purpose. There is a line in a hymn that I have been singing to myself frequently that says "I will cling to that old rugged Cross and exchange it some day for a crown." So many hymns have spoken to me over these past days, but for those of you struggling with loneliness or helplessness, I encourage you to listen to "Be Still My Soul", "It Is Well With My Soul", and "I Come to the Garden." Truly, the Lord dwells with you and I. Just like last time, please don't pray my struggle would get easier. Pray for me that the Lord would put me through whatever necessary to refine me into the woman needed to fulfill the plan He has for my life-- I believe that plan is spectacular, and I have asked many a time for God to not let me be unprepared for it. If this is what it takes, I will cling to that old rugged Cross, and one day, I surely will exchange it for a crown. Jesus is always good, always loving, always kind. I will love Him before myself and He will sustain me when, literally, I can no longer walk.

Thank you all, as always, for your prayers in this time- truly they have been so encouraging. The Lord bless and keep you all!!

Love, Anna Click Here to Read More..

The Man I'm Dating and Other News

Greetings, Loved Ones!

First things first: at a local church this morning, I was struck with a realization. God's children are beautiful. The man in the over sized hoodie and worn down jeans, raising his hands. The woman with perfect makeup not quite hiding that she hasn't slept right in a week, sighing in relief of exhaustion as she sings. The child with doughnut crumbs and frosting on her face, army-crawling down the center aisle while her mom trips over her heels trying to grab her before she evades her. The teenager biting her nails in the second row, trying to not be obvious that she's uncomfortable in the middle of such loud people. We've all got our quirks, but we were all there, moderately clean and somewhat personable. I can't say we were all there out of genuine desire as opposed to obligation or out of a true yearning for a meeting with the Lord as opposed to a perceived betterment of social standing amongst religious peers, but one thing I can say is this: God met us regardless, and it was wonderful.

I wish I had been more focused the entire service - I was not focused, not when I went in. It's a constant struggle to not always think about my schedule, how straight my sweater is, whether I'm singing on pitch, oh darn it I forgot my Bible and people are going to think I'm a heathen, my foot hurts in this shoe and when will I get to eat next. But my heart and mind got there eventually. And when two or more are gathered in His name, there He shall be also. We were together, bonding with one another over a mutual desire to recognize the goodness, faithfulness, and WORTHINESS of our God to be praised. We were children, lifting our hands and voices, our hearts attuned to the heart of the Lord, desiring to let it be known how much we adore our Father. How great is that? Beautiful.

Second: I am dating someone and here's the 411: His name is Aaron Fischer, he is a 23 year old native Australian whom I met in the second half of my Discipleship Training School whilst in Australia myself. He, too, was doing the training course, but began it in October, and thus finished months prior to my graduation. I have mentioned him nonchalantly throughout my blog in the past: for instance, if you track back to when I posted about my fall, he is the "friend" who was with me in the tree. At any rate, we became great friends as he was one of two people I knew in Australia while stranded in the hospital, left behind from my team headed to Papua New Guinea. As I moved back to America, we decided to date. After 4 months of long distance, he has now made the same journey across the Pacific that I made in the summer (only I did it with one leg--heh, heh) and moved to Madison, Wisconsin to be a missionary with YWAM, Madison. He has come through divine intervention, if you'll take my word for it. I was with him in the process of his finding his way here: it could never have come together without the Lord's hand. I'd love to tell y'all the story some time. He has started a blog to keep his own supporters updated (of which he could honestly use more, as any unpaid missionary could), so if you'd like to check it out, click here for the link to his blog. He is just beginning to add articles, so please check back for news on his developing ministry there right on the campus of the University of Wisconsin. His first article is actually about his first impressions of America and let me tell you: it's hysterical to hear an Australian's first impressions of America.

Random fact of the post:

He visited me for a few days when he arrived in the States for the first time. Some of my favorite quotes from the week:

"Oh, so that's a squirrel!"

"Wow. It's cold here."

(While trying to preheat the oven): "What do these temperatures mean?! Help me, I'm so confused."

"Everyone is so American."

"Everything has frosting on it."

"You have drive through ATM's? Seriously? I've heard about those but I thought they were a joke."

Alright dear ones. Thank you as always for reading and for your prayers! My leg has healed up quite well! Praise the Lord! I now walk without assistance and minimal limping! However, in the past couple of days I believe I have slipped a disc in my scoliosis-ridden back. In addition, I have developed the worst cough of my life. Going to the health center tomorrow to see what's wrong because whooping cough has apparently been quarantined on our campus and I have the symptoms. Obviously the coughing kills my back. Bummer. But God is good! He will fix me. There is power in faithful prayer, though, so please, do pray! Thank you as always. Love, Anna Click Here to Read More..

Update and Some Thoughts

Greetings, Loved Ones!

The last couple of days have been days of reflection and remembering. I was, just yesterday, remembering what it was like to stand, with two bare feet, in cooled sands, on the coast of the Pacific Ocean, listening to the waves roll and crash, watching the moonlight glimmer on the water, feeling the warm, summers-night breeze wrap me up in contentment.

So. Reality check: I have to go to a meeting on the other side of campus ...I am a college student, however discontent that statement makes me. Now, that can mean many different things. In this case, it means: I didn't bring a raincoat. Heaven knows I've never used an umbrella in my life (I don't like looking like a tree with a canopy over it). I can't make a mad dash through the rain due to the cinder block occupying my right leg. So. I put on a sweatshirt, pulled the hood up, and walked through the rain, contrasting these two experiences--one on the coast of the Pacific, one on the brinks of Chicago.

Luckily, I dearly love rain, so it wasn't a "doom and gloom" thought train at all, but rather I was dwelling on the fact that the Lord has blessed me with the ability to walk again, and through the rain, and at a steady pace, and I haven't fallen yet, and the rain is cool and the air is hot, and (my favorite) since everyone else apparently hates being out in the rain, I was alone walking through campus. Blessed aloneness. I was able to walk through hazy streets, see the puddles on the sidewalks, watch the rain fall off the color-changing leaves and find a new home in the grass. All in blessed, blessed, quiet, still aloneness. Praise the Lord.

Lastly, I thought I'd share with you all what I've been meditating on. First: the book of Zephaniah. If you haven't read it recently due to it's being a prophet and "not relatable" to life these days, go read it with an open mind and a humbly listening heart. If I could go back and change one thing about my relationship with Christ in the past, it would be all the times I read the Bible haughtily, thinking I knew which books could speak to me and how they could speak to me, drawing from my factual knowledge of the Bible and its contents rather than my relationship with the One who created it. Second: I was reading a short story by George Saunders yesterday called "The Semplica Girl Diaries". Nearing the end of the story, the narrator attends a funeral, at which he poses, to himself, the question: "Why were we put here, so inclined to love, when the end of our story = death? That harsh. That cruel. Do not like."

I thought on this for a long while. If there is no marriage in heaven then there are thus no families, in the literal, immediate sense of the word. So why, then, are we called to love anyone other than God alone? Why should we love our families or neighbors--why can we not simply be good to them out of obedience to Christ? Adam needed a helper, yes, but why must there be love involved in the relationship? Is it perhaps because God is love, and we, made in His image, mirror it without choice? Perhaps, then, the greatest apologetics argument is love. Why were we put here, so inclined to love, unless death is not the end of our story?

If any of you have any thoughts on the above pondering, I'd love to hear them if you'd like to - you can email me here or comment below. I have come to no firm resolution. I know only this:

"I am His and He is mine in a love which cannot cease, I am His, and He is mine."

Random fact of the post:

A squirrel ran by me quite furiously the other day, across the sidewalk in front of me, into the lawn beside me. He had an acorn in his mouth. He looked at me and froze, as if to say "I see you there- don't think you can move without my seeing you", and proceeded to shove his acorn-filled head into the ground with such ferocity that I was a bit taken aback. I went all the way up to him before he noticed me, at which time he jumped into the air, dropping the nut, and bolted into the trees. I suppose the Lord gives me encounters with crazy (not "cool" crazy--just plain crazy) animals because he knows I can relate.

My leg has improved slightly with physical therapy, praise Jesus.

Love and appreciation to you all! Lord bless and keep you!

Anna Click Here to Read More..

College Impressions

Greetings, Loved Ones!

I have attended Wheaton College for two weeks now, and wanted to share some first impressions with you.

Community living is the same as it was when I did it for the first time at 15. Everyone is young, loud, and rarely takes out the trash.

The food is stunningly better than I expected, even from the top ranked college cafeteria in the States. Yesterday there was freshly caught salmon...for lunch.

Almost all the first year students dress up for class. They wake up roughly two hours before their class and shower, put on the perfect outfit, do their makeup. They look so good. All of them. I wake up 20 minutes before I have to leave. 10 of those are spent adjusting my eyes to the light of the windows...My earliest classes start at 11:15 a.m.

The cobblestones. They look good. They feel terrible on an ankle in rehab.

No one remembers your name except those people who you forget the names of. (Cringe.)

My roommate is a 5'1" flute major and couldn't be a more fantastic fit with me. She turned to me during the first few days of living here and said "What are all these people doing? Ugh. I did NOT come here for the social interactions."

It's hard. Contentment is hard. My heart is hurting, my body wants to be traveling, my mouth wants to be speaking of Jesus to the people who have never heard His name.

There are cliques. Last week I went up to the football-team table and took the Sriracha sauce they had taken from the buffet line with a "Can I borrow this? Thanks." They all looked at me as if I had four heads. But, know this: my friend's rice was not dry that day.

Random fact of the post:

My dorm room faces west, so we get to watch stunning sunsets. Yesterday, due to large amounts of smoke, the sun went blood red, and promptly disappeared behind a hazy gray sky while still high above the horizon. Breathtaking.

Leg update: my leg has digressed quite a bit. I've had to take up the moonboot again, as I have to walk over a mile and some each day for all my classes, and cannot do that over cobblestones while only wearing a lace up ankle brace. My pain has at least tripled, but if I stop walking on it, my tolerance will digress further, and I'll be back to square 1. So- pray! I can't see a practical outcome here, so I'm trusting Jesus to take up the fight for me.

Thank you all for praying, as always! You are dear to me in an irreplaceable way.

Lord bless.
Anna Click Here to Read More..