Dwelling in Loneliness

Greetings, Loved Ones.

I wanted to lend you all some real insight as to what my life has looked like this past month. This post will cover the topic of loneliness.

While marriage is wonderful and my husband is my very best friend, any married person would probably agree that your spouse cannot (and should not) satiate all your need for human relationship.

This wouldn't be much of an issue except that I am in the unique situation of having physically left all my deep, life-giving relationships on the other side of planet Earth. Due to this, this past month has been exceptionally difficult for my heart and spirit. I am torn between the bountiful excitement of my new marriage and the heart-wrenching sorrows of feeling deeply alone in my new life. I had become acquainted with loneliness over the last two years due to my multiple surgeries and weeks spent alone in hospitals and quarantine rooms; now, I must say: it seems as though I carry loneliness around on my shoulders every day.

The reason I write this is not to throw myself a pity party (though, it has been hard, and I would appreciate prayers!). Rather, I want to share with you something that the Lord has shared with me this last week...

It is of utmost importance to dwell in loneliness at the feet of the Lord.

Loneliness has a unique way of bringing us to the very ends of our little ropes of self-sufficiency. For instance, I like to fancy myself a pretty independent person. Right now, newly married in a new culture, surrounded by brand new people, I feel, for the first time, incapable of adjusting. There is simply too much to adjust to. Suddenly, my self-sufficiency rope comes to an end, I slide off the end of it, and I land hard with my butt on the gravel wondering how I devolved into such a horrid state of friendless-ness and frustration. I know that sounds a bit melodramatic, but bear with me. Suddenly my independence is gone and I am left with my husband and Jesus.

Those last two words are the most important in this post: and Jesus. My current state in life demands that, when despair and longing and bitterness creep into my heart, I say back to them: "You are not welcome here, for I know that my God will never leave me nor forsake me. He is close to the broken-hearted and He saves those who are crushed in spirit." I often find myself singing the comforting song: Almighty, Infinite Father. Faithfully loving Your own. Here in our weakness You find us--falling before your throne." I find it helps me when the endless supply of chocolate bars I've stored up doesn't.

I received a card from my grandmother yesterday that said: "God never wastes a trial." How true those words are! My heart hurts with homesickness and longs for normalcy, but I can feel the Lord refining me. I can feel Him teaching me to let the things of this world--things like popularity and the comfort of familiarity--grow dim. There are some lessons that simply cannot be taught when everything is right in life. The Lord never wastes a trial; He works through them, using them like fire to make us malleable. The fire is painful and uncomfortable--it often seems like I cry more often these days than I ever have before--but we must experience it in order to be molded into vessels of Jesus Christ.

If I can quote my father, officiating at my wedding: "I pray that the Lord would bring trials your way." I want to second that prayer and ask Jesus to please-- bring me hardship. Keep me in this place of alienation and loneliness for as long as it takes to cause me to fully rely upon Your company. Place me over the fire in order to make me malleable. I will consider it pure joy, even through the tears, because I know that it produces perseverance, making me mature and complete, not lacking anything.

That's all for now-- thank you for journeying with me in this time.

Much love,

Anna Click Here to Read More..

First Thoughts On Marriage and Other News!

Greetings, Loved Ones!

Well! Here we are again, me in Australia, you in the States (most of you, anyway--apparently I have some readers from Russia!).

Thank you for bearing with my not posting for a while. We have been scrambling to find our feet here in the "Land Down Under"!

Now that we have become a bit more stable, I'd like to give you a quick update. First, I have just recently passed the "Married for One Month" mark, and I have thought up a few observations that I'd like to share with you:

1. Everyone steals covers at night, and that's not bad. You just have to be the stronger one.

2. People are less likely to tell you that you're bad with people if you're married.

3. Your spouse will still tell you that you're bad with people. (Throwback to last night when I walked into a room of men and practically shouted "Goodness, it reeks of sunscreen and B.O. in here," warranting a very kind "sometimes you say things a bit too loud." from Aaron.)

4. It is SO handy to have someone to steal you free food when you're not around to get it for yourself.

5. Every "parent in law" relationship is unique and multifaceted and requires understanding prior to judgement.

6. Single people become much more hesitant to befriend you once you get married, presumably on the grounds that "you already have a permanent friend."

7. Not everything needs to be talked about. Some things need to be overlooked.

8. If you have an introverted husband, don't tease him, even lightheartedly. They take it seriously. (I suppose I should've learnt this already from watching my parents interact at the dinner table--shout out to mom and dad!) : )

Alright! Now that I've gotten those nuggets of wisdom off my chest, I'll let you know "the haps"!

Aaron and I have settled into Australia fairly well and we have news! We have decided that we will not stay at YWAM beyond our short term commitment. YWAM has been a wonderful place for us in so many ways, and it will be difficult to say goodbye to this campus and this ministry for the foreseeable future as it has a significant place in both of our lives. We are not exactly sure where the Lord is leading us just yet. We will, of course, continue ministering to our communities and those beyond, it just appears it will not be in this context for much longer. We will let you know more soon!

Health-wise, we are also doing well, though my teeth are still not in good order. I have become used to only using one side of my mouth to chew; I know this is not good, but I am still working through how to access the healthcare system here, etc. Please pray that I would find a Christian dentist and perhaps be able to determine the root (no pun intended!) of the problem quickly and at minimal expense.

As to our emotional well-being, we (and, in particular, I) are remarkably well adjusted after such a whirlwind of change. From getting married, to leaving my family on the other side of the world, to showing up in a country where I have no friends and no citizenship, I have to give myself a pat on the back for adapting so quickly. One thing, though, I will never accept: they make you pay for ketchup packets here. I don't mean bottles, I mean PACKETS-- 50c to $1 per packet!!! PER PACKET! As in, go to a fast food chain, pick up some chips (fries!) for $7, and then pay an additional wallet-full for the necessity of ketchup. As my mother has often said in my support: ketchup is a universal right.

I will tie off this post with an update on how we are doing spiritually: we are well. In the midst of such change and wonder, the Lord has continued to lead us with His steady hand of guidance. A couple of days ago as Aaron was praying over our meal, he said: "Thank you, Father, for the ability to work hard and for Your pleasure." What a gift to be able to work hard for the Lord alongside my best friend.

Well, that is all for today! Thank you so much for your prayers and your friendship. We cherish them.

Much Love,

The Fischers Click Here to Read More..

Farewell For Now!

Greetings, Loved Ones.

Well! I'm off to the great unknown to begin what many say is life's greatest adventure. Aaron and I get married in 10 days! There is so much to be thankful for and so much that we don't know! As we journey forward, we hope to stay in close touch with every last one of you. Whether through email, phone calls, text messages, this blog (NOTE: Aaron and I will be continuing this blog under a new name - www.Fischersofmen.blogspot.com - please follow us there!) or social media, we plan to stay connected with our faithful community of supporters. This being said, please bear with us for the next month or so as we do our best to settle into a brand new life and, for me, an entirely new world.

Because I am only going to be unmarried for a little while longer, I want to write this last post before my wedding about my expected perks of married life. I hope to share my realized (and unrealized) perks later on! Hope you will laugh with me as I fumble through my ignorant, wedding-preceding thoughts.

Perk #1: I can say goodbye forever to bunkbeds.

Perk #2: When I get tired, I have someone to carry my groceries, my luggage, me, etc..

Perk #3: I have someone to tell me I'm fantastic when I get tired of saying it to myself in the mirror.

Perk #4: I have someone to commiserate with over how this world has simply not been made for people over 6' (I'm looking at you, chandeliers-that-hang-over-tables. And you, department-store-pants. And you too, every-group-photo-ever-taken [flashback to high school where I was always made to "stand in the back with the boys" or "squat down to look normal"].)

Perk #5: No more having to share a bathroom with 5+ roommates.

Perk #6: I will always have someone to hold me accountable.

Perk #7: I will always get a courtesy laugh, even for the lamest of jokes. (Nod to all elephant jokes, especially "how can you tell an elephant is in your fridge?" #footprintsinthebutter.)

Perk #8: I have someone to school me in the importance and tenderness of being silent.

Perk #9: I have someone to figure out the TV for me when I hopelessly throw in the towel after half-a-minute of fruitlessly trying to turn the thing on.

Perk #10: I have someone to keep me from being killed by 99% of the wildlife in Australia. (Nod to Drop Bears, and every Australian who has ever told me about them.)

Well, that's all for now; please pray for me as I enter this new chapter with Aaron. Specific prayer requests include: A) one of my teeth has been giving me trouble and it doesn't seem like I'll be able to fix it before I leave, so pray the pain goes away, or that I find a Christian dentist in Australia who will do the work for free! B) that Aaron and I would be able to settle in financially and be able to afford my $6,000 visa, my dental expenses, if need be, etc. C) that I would be able to acclimate well to my new community (and my new family!) and find good women close by to teach me and travel with me in life. D) pray that our wedding would honor Jesus Christ and that He would be seen and heard from on that day.

If you would like to email me, call or text me, or write me a letter (personally, letters are my favorite- I promise to return them!), my email address is here and my mailing address in Australia will be YWAM - Townsville, P.O. Box 6221, Townsville, QLD, 4810, Australia. If you need my cell number, email me and I will give it to you!

Thank you all so much.
Many blessings in Him who leads our lives,
Anna (and Aaron!) Click Here to Read More..

Married and Moving--What's Next?

Greetings, Loved Ones!

So. I'm getting married and leaving the country--and this August, no less! I figured you all would like an update!

Aaron and I plan to get married in late August and move to Townsville, Australia directly after the wedding. We'll be working as full time missionaries for the YWAM base there for the foreseeable future. This is the same base Aaron and I met at and the same city in which Aaron spent much of his adolescence and young adulthood.

While there, we will be working with the youth of the city, the underprivileged people groups in the city and in the surrounding areas, and the people of Papua New Guinea. The base we will be working at full time centers their ministry around all of these topics, but places special emphasis on reaching out to the people in Papua New Guinea and providing them with biblical teaching, community service, and health, dental, and vision care. You can read more about it at www.ywamtownsville.org, if you'd like! Aaron and I will be returning to the base once again with the goal of spreading the gospel and love of Jesus throughout unreached people groups, whether that is in the nation of Papua New Guinea, the small city of Townsville, or elsewhere! We don't plan on working with Papua on-shore just yet--we'll be working to help the cause from the site in Townsville for now. This being said, we will keep you updated if we get a chance to minister on-shore!

After we arrive at the YWAM Townsville base and begin working again, we plan to hash out our next step in ministry as a married couple. We may stay at Townsville to staff indefinitely, we may move to the YWAM Whitsundays base, or we may do something yet different. We are not sure what the Lord has for us beyond this next step. We plan to take this next year in stride, along with the blessings it's sure to bring: being in a familiar town, having mutual friends nearby, and especially living nearby Aaron's family. This will allow him a chance to reunite and me a chance to get to know my in-laws and new sister. I grow more and more thankful for this opportunity the more I think on it! The Lord is so good.

This transition will not be easy for me--I will dearly miss my family, church, and surrounding community. However, this is where the Lord is directing my life at the moment. It's been a roller coaster of life-altering events leading up to this, but, through it all, I have come down to this truth: the Lord truly has His firm hand over my life and I feel it, consistently, gloriously, and relentlessly.

This is all supremely exciting and I look forward to seeing many of you soon (Aaron and I will be home in late July! If you would like to get together with one or both of us, email us! We would be delighted to catch up over coffee!). Lastly, I should let you all know now, even just two months before we leave: we are looking to begin fundraising throughout our communities again. I want to clarify: as we cannot take many belongings overseas with us, we will also be asking for financial wedding gifts in lieu of the classic "newlywed house stuff". Those financial gifts could go towards any number of things (including newlywed house stuff!), as would be expected. However, financial gifts given before the wedding and towards our "mission fund" will be used purely for costs directly relating to our mission's work.

For that fund, we are looking to raise $3,000 to cover the cost of living for our first three months in Townsville, September - December, 2016. We are praying that we will receive funds and/or commitments in that amount prior to our wedding day. This would include one time donations, commitments to one-time donations, and commitments to monthly support. I know this is a lot to tackle in two months, especially alongside a wedding and a cross-continental move, but we are trusting the Lord to provide. We're also looking for commitments for prayer support--prayer support is truly just as important as financial support, so if you'd like to commit to that, we'd love it if you would contact one of us directly.

How to send us your support
If you'd like to support us via check, you can make it out to Anna Winters and mail it to my parents home in Mechanicsburg, PA. If you don't know their mailing address, you can email Kim Winters here and she will send it to you. If you would like to speak with either Aaron or myself about our mission work, needs, etc., my email address is here and Aaron's is here. We would genuinely love to talk with any and all of you and continue building solid relationships.

Well, I believe that's all for now. I want to thank so many of you already for being so supportive and loving and kind since the announcement! I couldn't have imagined a more encouraging response. I love you each dearly, and please contact me, even if you'd just like to chat! Thank you so much!

Blessings, Anna (and Aaron!) Click Here to Read More..

Acceptance with Joy!

Greetings, Loved Ones!

Two days ago, I met a four-week-old Swedish Mountain Dog named Cheddar. He was the softest little pooch you could imagine. He also jumped up on my knees and licked my face.

Three days ago, I made creme brûlée for an event I was putting on with the rest of my small event leadership team. I put the ramekins in the oven and proceeded to forget about them entirely. (How could you forget creme brûlée, you ask? Because I'm impulsive and I was cuddled up in a blanket, eating tomatoes and sprouts and watching Man Vs. Wild, that's why). Several tomatoes later, I remembered the brûlées and I rushed back downstairs and ripped them out of the oven an HOUR late and, voila, they were perfectly done.

Yesterday, I was walking alone to go pick up some groceries from a local market when a man caught my attention and complimented my smile, saying it "made his day." (Cheesy, I know, but it did brighten the moment.)

Today, I was listening to my excited friend talk about her preparations to go on a mission trip to three different exotic countries. I was reminded that I was never able to go on the Papua New Guinea missions trip I had planned on for so long. I looked down at my leg and let myself feel the dull ache that always arises after consistently using it for several hours. I began to feel the remnants of having slept terribly last night--my rest had been riddled with maintenance insomnia and nightmares. I went downstairs to pick up my laundry from the dryer and found a hole in a new dress I loved. Later, I scratched my hand up while cooking dinner for the students at the base. I never drink enough water, but the weather is becoming hotter now, and by the early evening I had developed a sore throat. My temper was short by the end of the day. When the unreliable, irresponsible gene that most people contain somewhere in their veins was displayed by some of my housemates, I became just generally bad-emotioned. That's the best way I can describe it. Disdain, impatience, a desire to shame others into acting in regulation with the code I conduct myself by, an annoyance with myself and an unhappiness with my current life all bubbled to the surface.

HOWEVER. I have recently come to realize the ultimate importance of cultivating a heart of gratitude. It is silly indeed to heap the blessings of the past on the alter of my unfortunate "today." It is even sillier to lose any measure of hope and enthusiasm for tomorrow based off of my unfortunate "today." I believe the Lord desires to see his children grateful for the gifts He gives them. I am reminded of a scene in the book "Hinds Feet on High Places" where "Much Afraid," the helpless protagonist of the book, is told she will have to take a lengthy and grueling detour away from her destination of the "High Places." After sobbing at the feet of the "Good Shepherd," she looks to the crags of the mountainside and sees a small yellow flower, smiling and raising its petals to the heavens. The flower speaks up and says to the Shepherd, "Behold me, here I am; Thy little handmaiden Acceptance-with-Joy, and all that is in my heart is Thine."

What a powerful message to be taught from a talking wildflower.

Life can be annoying sometimes. It can often be even downright discouraging. But to learn the art of accepting life with joy-- taking the highs with gratitude and the lows with grace-- this is what we should be striving for.

I just wanted to pop in and share this message with all of you. Many blessings, and thank you for praying for me as I know you do! Contact me if you'd like to know more details about my life here, or if you're interested in donating to my mission or hearing my prayer requests! My email address is located here and my address is 602 Langdon Street, Madison, WI, 53703. Thank you for your time!

Love,

Anna Click Here to Read More..

Good Friday Meditations

Greetings, Loved Ones!

I am sorry for not writing in so long. The reason behind my absence is simply that I have not had anything particularly exciting to write on! I am working in missions again, on staff at a campus ministry, studying psychology online and trying to remain sane. There's not much else to write on, but if you want the nitty gritty or truly want to hear my inner trials and joys, email me here!

In the mean time, I was reflecting on the harsh, brutal love of God the Father today. Today is Good Friday and, for some reason, I went about my day with a subconsciously melancholy attitude in my heart. My family would call it "feeling blooby"--a word I came up with when I was 7 years old--a mixture of "blue" and "moody." At any rate, as I spent time with the Trinity today, a deep sense of sorrow emerged from my subconscious and smacked me in the face.

When someone you love dies--though the pain may ease with time--the anniversary of their death will never fail to bring back a piece (however small) of the harrowing, deeply-cutting emotion you felt at their initial death. You could attribute it to simple emotional memory- remembering a traumatic event can often bring to the surface the feelings you felt during it. Considering this, here is something I want to point out: the fact that Jesus rose from the dead makes His death no less significant--no less painful for those who love Him. I feel that, often, due to us having the hindsight knowledge of the Resurrection, we forget how real Jesus' death truly was. Just because He regained life three days after dying does not mean the sorrow and horror of His death are swept away and forgotten--nor should they be. To forget the misery and reality of Jesus' sacrifice in order to revel in the glory of the Resurrection would be to belittle the sacrifice itself.

There used to be a certain throw blanket in my parent's house that had a beautiful painting printed on the front. The image was Calvary, with Jesus' cross standing front and center, surrounded by wildflowers and highlighted by the rays of a stunningly colorful sunset. I remember saying to my dad one night when I was young "I like this blanket!" He grunted and continued his business. I asked why he didn't like it (I had deduced his disdain from his noise of disapproval). He responded with "the Cross was a horrible thing. It was sad, brutal, and ugly. I don't like that it's been twisted and turned into a romanticized icon of peace and happiness and beauty."

That made an impact on my young heart. The crucifixion is not what we should rejoice about. The victory Christ won over sin and death is what we should rejoice about. Good Friday was the saddest day of all for many who knew Jesus. The sadness (and the cause of the sadness) of that day should not be forgotten due to the Resurrection later on. This may seem controversial to some of you- why would we remain sorrowful when we know Jesus has risen from the dead and lives in Heaven? Because, my friends. He made a sacrifice. Take time to remember the weight He felt before making it, the sorrow God felt in giving up His Son, the agony Christ felt when the Father turned His face away so as not to look upon the disgusting burden of our sin that Jesus chose to carry. That was a sad day. I feel that, to properly thank Him for sacrificing Himself, I need to take time to meditate on how horrifying and meaningful a sacrifice it was. Otherwise, I barely realize what I'm thanking Him for.

These are some thoughts from my devotions the last couple of days. I will write again soon. Thanks so much for taking the time to read, and thank you for your prayers and support!

May God bless you this Easter!

Much Love,

Anna Click Here to Read More..

First Impressions and Updates - Wisconsin

Greetings, Loved Ones!

I've lived in Madison for three and some weeks now, and I thought I'd share my first impressions, as I always do when I move to a new place!

First, living in the middle of downtown is simply inspiring. I can walk everywhere in 10 minutes or less.

Second, everyone is loud all night, until roughly 8 am. Last night, around 3 am, a fight broke out beneath my window between two highly intoxicated college males. While their vocabulary was colorful, somehow it only managed to emphasize their lack of intelligent conversation.

Third, the weather here is quite bipolar. It will be negative 20 F one day, and 40 F the next. Positively bizarre. On that same note, it's not just normal cold here- it's wet cold. The house I live in is closed in by two lakes on opposing sides of downtown- Mendota and Monona. This causes it to be humid cold, not dry cold. Basically, it feels like you're swimming through ice. Like that squirrel from Ice Age. I have newfound empathy for that fellow.

Fourth, everyone who inhabits downtown is either homeless or a college student. Let me rephrase that: everyone here is homeless. Or so it seems, as all I see throughout the night are wandering twenty-somethings asking for alcohol or cigarettes. But here's the bright side: this town caters to that, which means we have establishments like "Insomnia Cookie", which is a restaurant that delivers fresh baked cookies to your location until 3 am every night. Basically, my dream support system.

In other news, I'll tell you what I've been up to here: I am now co-leading a small group, open to the students of UW-Madison, I've started a "Communications" area for the PHOS house to improve publicity and public relations with the campus (as this is campus ministry and so far it seems we have next to no way of efficiently contacting the students), I cook for the base one night a week, and I clean the house once a week with a team of three other humans. I've also taken on planning some of the community meals for the students living in our house and I was just asked today to design a banner for the front of our building to promote our leasing/seeking boarders status. So that's what I've been up to while on staff here. I'm also doing online schooling, taking several courses in Psychology and the like.

I am so happy here. I respect Wheaton and the people there (even more now that I know some of the students were secretly raising chickens in Armerding), but my heart is so much more content here. The Lord has been so good to me. I will continue to follow Him through thick and thin, but right now, it seems my life is quite easy to live. I am happy, I love where I am, I am hopeful for the future, and I am all around pleased with current events. Thank you, Lord- I refuse to accept your blessings without acknowledging them.

Lastly, I have an appeal to you all. My human, Aaron Fischer, is here on a religious volunteering and tourism visa. This means he cannot legally work or study under any accredited organization. What I'm trying to tell you is that he is living off of support as a full time missionary. Here's the thing: he's a man who has to eat and pay rent on top of getting around from place to place via public transportation. It's amazing how these things add up after a time. He needs support. If you'd like to donate anything to his mission, his blog is aaronmichaelfischer.blogspot.com. He has his prayer requests there, as well as a button to donate if you feel so led. Thank you so much my friends. I so appreciate every one of you! I pray the Lord blesses each of you today with unexpected, delightful blessings. Just don't forget to acknowledge them! : )

With Love,
Anna Click Here to Read More..

Goodbye Wheaton, Hello YWAM Madison!

Greetings, Loved Ones!

So. The decision has been made. I am leaving Wheaton College. The reasons behind this choice are plentiful, so I'll spare you the details. It's a wonderful place for some people. I am simply not one of those "some."

I'll satisfy your curiosities right now: I'm moving to the breathtaking, awe-inspiring world of cheese. That's right- I'm moving to Wisconsin. I'm transferring to do online schooling while working as a part-time volunteer with YWAM in Madison. To be honest, I don't know exactly what my life will look like in the upcoming months and years. I'm laying down my plans at the throne of God and accepting wholeheartedly the fact that, even if I wanted to, I cannot lean on my own understanding. This is simply because I have no understanding. No understanding of why my life has gone the way it has this past year, no understanding of where the Lord is taking my life in the upcoming seasons.

Now that you're updated, I'll tell you how Christmas went. Most of you know that, this Christmas, I brought home my significant other, Aaron. I wanted to submerge him fully in the wonders of the Winters family.

He helped decorate the tree, baked Christmas cookies, watched our favorite Christmas movies (including White Christmas - YES!), played board games, joined in family banter, sat at the kitchen table with dad and discussed their mutual love for Jesus and especially their favorite book of Isaiah, and bonded with Joe on multiple levels where at one moment Joe said "I love you man, welcome to the family." Basically, it went well.

We never did go to Outback Steakhouse, though.

This week I have been amazed by the faith in the diseased woman in Mark 5. She was so confident Jesus' power would heal her that all she resolved to do was touch His clothes, even without His knowing. She did and was immediately healed. Jesus didn't say "I am willing" as He did to the leper in Matthew 8. He didn't even acknowledge the woman until after she had been healed through His power. This woman was confident that her fingers brushing a piece of cloth worn by Jesus would far surpass the effectiveness of every professional she had seen throughout her life combined. And it was. The Lord is so unbelievably holy, pure, and powerful that merely making contact with Him can heal you of truly anything. This is what I'm convicted of: I have contact with Jesus. So why should I not have the same confidence in His healing as this woman who bled chronically?

PS: don't be the disciples from this chapter who turned around and said "Jesus, the crowd is all around you, how can you ask who touched you?" Just...don't question Jesus. That's what I've learned. As soon as you hear yourself saying "Jesus, what do you think you're doing?" just stop and ask yourself the same question.

Thank you as always for all of your prayers. My leg has been holding up with no returning signs of infection! Praise the Lord! Much love to you all! I have a list of those who have supported me either financially or who have vocalized their prayers for me and I go over that list in my mind every time I write this part of my blog post. You are all truly dear to my heart. God bless! Click Here to Read More..