I am sorry for not writing in so long. The reason behind my absence is simply that I have not had anything particularly exciting to write on! I am working in missions again, on staff at a campus ministry, studying psychology online and trying to remain sane. There's not much else to write on, but if you want the nitty gritty or truly want to hear my inner trials and joys, email me here!
In the mean time, I was reflecting on the harsh, brutal love of God the Father today. Today is Good Friday and, for some reason, I went about my day with a subconsciously melancholy attitude in my heart. My family would call it "feeling blooby"--a word I came up with when I was 7 years old--a mixture of "blue" and "moody." At any rate, as I spent time with the Trinity today, a deep sense of sorrow emerged from my subconscious and smacked me in the face.
When someone you love dies--though the pain may ease with time--the anniversary of their death will never fail to bring back a piece (however small) of the harrowing, deeply-cutting emotion you felt at their initial death. You could attribute it to simple emotional memory- remembering a traumatic event can often bring to the surface the feelings you felt during it. Considering this, here is something I want to point out: the fact that Jesus rose from the dead makes His death no less significant--no less painful for those who love Him. I feel that, often, due to us having the hindsight knowledge of the Resurrection, we forget how real Jesus' death truly was. Just because He regained life three days after dying does not mean the sorrow and horror of His death are swept away and forgotten--nor should they be. To forget the misery and reality of Jesus' sacrifice in order to revel in the glory of the Resurrection would be to belittle the sacrifice itself.
There used to be a certain throw blanket in my parent's house that had a beautiful painting printed on the front. The image was Calvary, with Jesus' cross standing front and center, surrounded by wildflowers and highlighted by the rays of a stunningly colorful sunset. I remember saying to my dad one night when I was young "I like this blanket!" He grunted and continued his business. I asked why he didn't like it (I had deduced his disdain from his noise of disapproval). He responded with "the Cross was a horrible thing. It was sad, brutal, and ugly. I don't like that it's been twisted and turned into a romanticized icon of peace and happiness and beauty."
That made an impact on my young heart. The crucifixion is not what we should rejoice about. The victory Christ won over sin and death is what we should rejoice about. Good Friday was the saddest day of all for many who knew Jesus. The sadness (and the cause of the sadness) of that day should not be forgotten due to the Resurrection later on. This may seem controversial to some of you- why would we remain sorrowful when we know Jesus has risen from the dead and lives in Heaven? Because, my friends. He made a sacrifice. Take time to remember the weight He felt before making it, the sorrow God felt in giving up His Son, the agony Christ felt when the Father turned His face away so as not to look upon the disgusting burden of our sin that Jesus chose to carry. That was a sad day. I feel that, to properly thank Him for sacrificing Himself, I need to take time to meditate on how horrifying and meaningful a sacrifice it was. Otherwise, I barely realize what I'm thanking Him for.
These are some thoughts from my devotions the last couple of days. I will write again soon. Thanks so much for taking the time to read, and thank you for your prayers and support!
May God bless you this Easter!
Much Love,
Anna
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