Back from the Bush

Greetings, Loved Ones.

Today (March 6) I had my first taste of how hard missionary life can really be. I returned home from camping today with an excited and rejuvenated spirit. That spirit was slightly dampened by the fact that my lower back went into a severe spasm - which means I am unable to sit up without assistance and must lie flat on my back to avoid excruciating pain. This happened because I have severe scoliosis, and whenever I do strange things with my back for an extended period of time (which in this case was sleeping on the ground for two weeks, frequently swimming in rainforest pools - which was awesome by the way!, working hard and then sitting in old camp chairs for HOURS at a time) it (my back) goes "out" for a while. The longest time I have had to lie flat on my back was my first back spasm which lasted 10 days! Thankfully none of the subsequent ones have been that bad, and I am hopeful to only be laid up for two or three days with this one.

But all of this is really inconsequential. My point is that despite my back spasm - my heart was on cloud nine! The Lord spoke to me over the past two weeks and revealed things to me that excite my spirit. I arrived back at base to three care packages waiting for me, all of which contained wonderful goodies. The third, though, had in it a heartfelt letter from my mother. She had emailed me last week asking me to call her as soon as I got back but I neglected to do so, seeing that it was nearly 3 AM where they were. I figured a Facebook message saying I was happily home was enough to get us by until the next morning. Alas, but I misunderstood the reason why she wanted to speak with me: as I opened the letter in my room later on, I read with sobbing lungs and a broken heart that my precious cat Kiwi had died. My mother was hoping to tell me in person before I had to read the letter.

Kiwi, my darling kitty, was given to me on Christmas morning of 2010. I had wanted a kitten since I was 4 and I cried with joy and unbelief when she sprung out of the decorative gift box onto my face (still my favorite Christmas present ever!). It seems as though I cried when she came into my life and also when she went out. She had been with me through all of my high school years (which, without going into detail, were very, very hard). The Lord works in mysterious ways. On our last night in Hidden Valley (where we were camping), we sang songs around the campfire, and we finished the night with "It Is Well With My Soul." Even now as my eyes sting and my back quivers in pain, I rejoice in the Lord that He is with me, and it is indeed well with my soul. I vowed yesterday to lay down my calloused heart and any bitterness it still nurtured. And can I tell you something? I think pain like this hurts more when you have a soft heart because that bitterness, that anger, is no longer a response option. All I am left with is to praise the Lord for all He has done.

My two weeks of camping were absolutely and literally out of this world, and I can't wait to tell you all about all that happened to me, but I am afraid my heart can't handle right now relating stories of laughter and joy.

I know to some of you losing a cat may seem rather petty or inconsequential, but let me tell you, it is not. No objective disaster could have hurt me more - not if all of my belongings had gone up in flames. Kiwi was my precious little one who snuggled me through the hardest times in my life and now she is gone; I was not there to say goodbye, I was not there to see her gone, I do not have my family nearby to comfort me. I rejoice in what the Lord has called me here to do. I will rejoice in the wonderful moments and the terrible moments. I absolutely refuse to give any of my heart to anger. My Father in heaven is the WONDERFUL Counselor and the PRINCE of Peace and I will go nowhere else but to His throne to receive that peace and good counsel. He is refining me to be more like Himself, and through my pains here and now, I will be more like Him later on.

Pray for me, if you would. It is oh-too-possible to rejoice in the love of the Lord while still feeling the full force of raw pain; I will be hurting (emotionally and physically) for at least a little while still. I greatly appreciate your support. You can email me, as always, by clicking here for my email address.

Random fact of the post:

Kiwi was not a very good-natured cat- she loved me, but most others she would attack (which only made me love her more, since she was unique like me!). She would often hiss and growl if you moved too much while holding her- when she would do this in my arms, I would put my finger on her little snout and kiss her on the nose and snuggle her all the closer. I will miss her so much. (Ugh, I'm crying again! I hate this!) Thank you all again for supporting me. Be blessed.