Listening to Jesus

Greetings, loved ones.

I apologize for being so sporadic with my posts recently - I've been insanely busy. My last day of outreach was last Saturday, whence we staffed a wonderfully successful "I Want To Live" event - an event YWAM Townsville puts on for the city in the spirit of Youth Week (a national holiday week celebrating young people). One of my many jobs was to carry around a massive letter "T" the entire night - periodically, my ten counterparts and I would rush together and spell/scream out "I WANT TO LIVE" with all of our big wooden letters. It was a good time. I'm sure there are photos of it on the YWAM Townsville Facebook page, if any of you are interested.

Moving right along, I am doing well. I've had a bit of a bumpy ride these last few days concerning friendships and relationships and my future and so forth and so on - it all boils down to something my mother once told me: faith comes into play at the end of your rope, not the beginning of it. (Thanks, Mom!) Coming back from outreach my body, heart and mind were completely deflated and running on empty. I was tired, getting sick, wanting to just have a day off, etc. I began to try to figure my own life out (future plans, relationships, etc.) with logos, or my knowledge of logic and "how life works". I was overwhelmed almost instantly; people began to drive me insane with their quirks, I received a discouraging letter, I felt a sudden but lasting wrench of hopelessness thrown into the works of my future. Most of these things happened in the span of one day.

Later that night, I was wrestling with the Lord over His not sharing with me His plan (classic, I know, but I like knowledge - plus, I like to make this particular mistake over and over again just to be sure it still won't work) and I heard Him say to me something to the effect of "My dear one, you have taken your eyes off of Me. Of course you have begun to sink- what did you think would happen?" Instantly, the image of Peter and Jesus walking on water was back in my mind - the picture on the Bible flash cards my mom showed my brother and I during our homeschooling days. Peter, with his arm stretched out in desperation for his Lord to grasp, half sunk in the water already after turning his attention away briefly. That was me, pulling the trusty old "too much is going on around me so I'm going to fix some of it without the Lord and then get back to Him later". FOOLISHNESS! A word of advice to anyone who is feeling helplessly lost in the throes of their chaotic life: lay it at the feet of the Lord and it will begin to be sorted. The very next morning, two of my three distractions were sorted. The Lord had promised me the night before during my prayer that, if I laid my life at His feet, He would take care of those petty problems by the morning. Sure enough, the Lord held true to His Word.

I spoke with a friend at lunch today (we decided to treat ourselves to Maccas- not for the food, but rather for the aircon) about these events and shared how I had realized that I had been oblivious to the Lord's call in the past week. It was a hysterical conversation: hearing myself speak aloud how idiotic I had been, trying to solve my entire life out in the span of a week. He was rather quiet while I was relating the story (or maybe I was just loud? I hear it's a Winter's Women thing), but as he dropped me off, he wrote something on a sticky note and told me to read it whenever I got a chance.

Later in the day, when I finally had a minute to get my thoughts together (or, as we say here, get our poop in a group), I opened it. It was a reference to a passage in 1st Samuel, where the Lord calls Samuel three times before he finally responds correctly. I laughed at the obvious comparison between myself and the young Samuel- being called repeatedly yet continuing to turn to our own understanding of the situation before letting the Lord speak.

I have recognized my error and I have heard the Lord. It is well with me, not because my life is all flowers and sugar, but because it is well with my soul. The Lord is with me.

Wealth update: I want to thank you all from the bottom of my heart for supporting me all these months! I currently have a bit of a surplus of funds in my account- I still have some outreach fees to pay and some supplies to buy, but I believe I have plenty for that. Thank you so much for all you have done- I couldn't do this without all of your support, financially and otherwise.

Random fact of the post: 

I often harken back to my days growing up in far upstate New York- I remember once taking a walk after it rained with my mother and my little best friend; the worms were out, and my friend and I each made a writhing ball of worms. We would find one, pick it up, pack it in with the rest like you would pack a snowball, and continue on. We would even trade on and off, passing the worm balls back and forth. So fun. Great memory. They were each a solid 6 inches in diameter.