Today, I have less of an adventure story for you. Today my post will be more of a personal resolution--a journey, if you will-- that I believe some of you may even be able to to relate to.
I find this week that my pride is at every turn. Now, I truly have been blessed with a rich education and been given a mind that naturally churns with the flow of logic...one that constantly searches for flaws and doesn't forget them once they are found. Keep that in mind as I relate to you some of the events of my week: First-- Our lecturer this week has made a small point of "teaching us how to speak publicly"- I admit that this grates on my self esteem. I have been trained in rhetoric and my pride tells me I have nothing to learn in this area- I know how to write and deliver a solid speech.
Second-- I have a friend here who often explains the love of the Lord and the life of the Christian in such simplistic, faith based, illogical terminology that my reasoning side is driven half mad. To make matters worse, every time I pointed out a logical flaw in an explanation he was able to rebuke it with some mini-monologue typically along the lines of "I used to work purely off of logic but it was getting in the way of my walk with Christ so I dumped it- it's better this way." This is not to say I believe I need to leave all reason in the dust, but you can imagine how that feels- to be told in a nice way to be quiet because you're not getting the point.
Recognizing that my pride had been confronted numerous times this week, I decided to spend a significant amount of time meditating on it with Christ. What He showed me were the parts of myself that I would boast in. The parts of who I am, whether it be my logic oriented mind, my confidence in front of crowds, etc., that I take pride in. When asked, I would attribute those qualities to Christ. I would say I was "blessed" with a sure persona, or the Lord "gave me the gift" of an ability to make friends easily. Did I truly, in my heart of hearts, view them as gifts from my Lord? Or did I see those talents as personal conquests, things I had worked on for years, things to be bragged about, things that I had that others didn't? If I'm being honest with you all, I would have to go with the latter option. Sure the Lord planned for me to be this way, but in my opinion, I thought that I had made myself who I was. All me. All on my own. The Lord (and my mom- thanks mom, you were right, as per usual) had been telling me for years that my pride was going to need to be torn down. The time for this came three months ago. The Lord has done wonders in my life already whilst being here, but I believe it's finally time to burn off this loose end that I have been secretly clinging to. I have laid down the security I find in who I am and have chosen to pick up the only lasting Security. I believe that the Lord will perfect me in His way as I let Him. I refuse to let my pride any longer bar my growing ever closer to my Father.
Well, this is my post for today- thank you for prayers and your support. Thank you also for your prayers and support for my family! I love you all dearly and thank God for you daily. Peace be with you!
Random fact of the post:
Last weekend, I went with my dear friend Katrina to the island nearby to spend the night at a hostel. The island is named "Magnetic Island" and it is absolutely breathtaking- I, coming from a heritage of pure northern blood.
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