Rolling through life...

Greetings, Loved Ones.

So. I have been discharged from the hospital and living back at base for almost 2 weeks now. During this time, I have made several important discoveries.

Discovery 1: When people see you in a wheelchair with a broken leg, they automatically assume you are completely incapable of any human function. This frequently translates to people assuming you need help with ordinary, day-to-day tasks. For instance: moving. Let me make this clear, lest there be any confusion: my upper body is completely competent to push the weight of myself whilst in a wheelchair. Yet, many a person will run up to me, out of meetings, away from meals, out of rooms, away from work, just to come up behind me and INSIST, sometimes against my request, to push my wheelchair 20 meters. This could certainly be the Lord removing my pride further, but it doesn't stop me from asking: in what world is it socially appropriate to take control of a disabled person's life (even if under the claim of "courtesy") by rolling them around in a wheelchair they cannot get out of even when they tell you your help is not needed? In addition, people will often run up behind me as I'm rolling around and grab my wheels or put the breaks on. This was only slightly funny the first time. By now, I have had to resort to spinning my chair on a dime to stop them from being able to get to my wheels at all- sometimes resorting to rolling over their toes on accident because they were too close to me. At any rate, it's humbling for me to no longer be able to operate on the level I am used to, and even more humbling to be at the mercy of anyone, including small children, who feel and act on the impulse to grab my wheelchair and push me places I don't want to go.

Discovery 2: Office work, from 8-5 daily, is hard. I now work as a receptionist in the offices here at YWAM Townsville to substitute my going to PNG. To be able to graduate, I had to make up the outreach work I am involuntarily forgoing by staying in Australia, and so I have been made a sort of student-staffer. The days are long and often hot, and I am often tired and lonely.

Discovery 3: The Lord will speak to you when you give him time. I'm sure you can tell by this point in my article that my demeanor has taken somewhat of a toll. For the past two weeks I have been very busy, from 7 am until often times 10 pm or later, 6 days a week, working. On Sunday, I am often too tired to even gather two thoughts to rub together. I will admit that there have been days when I have prioritized like an idiot and pushed spending time with my God to the back burner. What kind of a fool does that? Here I am, trying to carry the weight of new work, loneliness, physical pain, etc., knowing full well that I CANNOT do it alone, and still deciding that a nap is more important than conversing with the Lord and hearing what He has to say to me. Although to be sure, naps are sometimes the only choice I can make! But truly - I have found during this time a deeper need for time with the Lord than I have known up until now, which is wonderful and also difficult.

For those of you who may not see much point in talking to the Lord unless you have a question or a request, let me just share with you something - He is not just an omniscient God of answers, but also a God of encouragement. It is incredible to me how light my burdens feel after crying out to the Lord for help. I'll be honest, there have been many a time these last days when I have felt as though I'm being strangled slowly. The amount of small details in my life that piled up and needed attention astounded me. Whether it be the hospital needing information I didn't have, the healthcare store giving me a wheelchair with a broken wheel, the incision on my inner ankle breaking open and bleeding through the cast (yes, actually, that does hurt as much as you're thinking it does), not being able to eat because of the painkillers I'm on, both of my pets dying while I'm out of the country...You get the idea. And yet, right when I feel as though I'm ready to wheel myself away into the great unknown, the Lord speaks to me and says "My dear little one, I have so much in store for you; this is only the dry season, refreshing rain will come soon." Then, like a vapor in the wind, all my worries disappear. I realize that people are kinder to me in the streets because they have sympathy on a crippled girl. I realize that I'm in Australia, living a story most people wouldn't believe. I realize that I'll be going home soon to a family who loves me. I realize that I have friends here who mean more to me than I could ever have thought possible. I realize that I have supporters all over the world - people who are diligently praying for me - sometimes hourly. I realize no matter what happens, broken bones or no, I have the Good Shepherd watching over me--what can be unbearable when that is the case? I'm living a wonderful life. I am blessed with friends and family who love me. I get mail all the time with flowers and teddy bears and chocolate and kind words. How could I ever overlook these blessings under the notion that my life is just too hard? Ridiculous.

I find that my life often becomes how I look at it. When I am skeptical, both of myself and of those around me, misery and self pity kick in with shocking ferocity. When I choose to see the blessings the Lord has granted me today, when I decide not to heap those gifts on the alter of "the future", looking so far ahead that I neglect to see what has been given me now, hope and excitement lift me off the ground. This does not mean life isn't hard sometimes- but, as I have said before, my situation is my situation no matter if I am joyful about it or not.

So, then, why not be joyful? There truly are so many reasons to praise Him after all.

Random Fact of the Post:

I tried seafood for the first time ever in my life last week! My friend and I went out to a fish and chips place on the beach and I tried two whole bites of crumbed mackerel. Not bad, actually- I would try it again. Being a vego, though, it'll probably be a while... But my first experience was overall pretty darned delightful. Thank you again for your prayers. My parents often tell me of each one of you stopping them and asking them for updates because you pray for me so often. I can't tell you how much this means to me and how much it has helped me.